in training

Posted on April 23, 2012 by carla

PREFACE: A brief note about this essay.  This was entered in the 2012 Note & Words Essay Contest.  I was not chosen, so I am plopping my essay up for all to read.

It would have been cool had I placed because the event celebrating this year’s contest is on April 28th, the first anniversary of my diagnosis.  However, it was a ton of fun to enter!

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I am a 47-year-old woman, who never had a child.  As someone unable to bear children, as well as a recent breast cancer survivor who practically glowed in the dark after seven weeks of straight radiation, the U.S.S. Parenthood almost sailed.  But fate stepped in, and it didn’t   No, there was no immaculate conception to report, I am a stepmother in training.

It all started when I re-connected with someone from high school.  We never dated way back when, he was just a pal.  What we would have thought rather improbable (if not impossible) as teens happened: we fell in love.

He is a parent to a 12-year-old boy, making me a stepmother in training. Some days I am terrified.  I say that mostly with humor, because I am playing life’s giant game of catch-up.  I escaped dirty diapers, potty training, and teething to arrive on the scene just as puberty hits.

 Oh boy.  I was none too graceful myself at the onset of puberty, and now I am shaping a young mind?  Or is he shaping me?

As far as children go  I couldn’t order  a better child.  He is an amazing boy, truly his father’s son. He is bright, engaging, sweet, charming, and cute.  I have been a little bit in love with this child since the first cup of hot chocolate.

Our mutual relationship has been a growth process, and I would really love it if I could just understand why teeth brushing and sometimes a shower is such a big deal.  I am told that this is just typical boy, but to me, who only had a sister, it is just perplexing.  Some days, I just don’t speak boy well and I dread the shower/teeth conversation.

Me:  “A little bit later, I need you to take a shower and brush your teeth.”

 Boy: “O.k.” (Goes back to iPad or whatever he is doing.)

Later occurs and I say brightly, (not like the menacing prison warden) “O.k. it’s time!”

 “Time for what?” Boy replies genuinely puzzled.

“Shower and teeth brushing” I reply.

 “Oh. That. Do I have to?” Boy replies hanging his head in dread.

 

Next a dance ensues, and it is often a match of wits.  Sometimes there is humor, and other times we are both sent to our respective corners for a time out.

My friends are all amused.  I think I have discovered a parallel universe, and they say, welcome to parenthood and boys.  One of my best friends also has a son, and she too has tooth brushing drama.  She’s threatened, cajoled, tried humor.  She even told her son his teeth would fall out.  His reply was “you can buy me new ones.”

Every day is a new adventure.  I have never done this before.  Some days I am just terrified I am going to screw it up.  Lucky for me I can cook.  Sometimes he  wants to help.

Case in point, homemade applesauce.

 “Can I help?” he asks.

“Sure,” I say, “We need to start by peeling all those apples.”

He peels about one apple and then it’s off to hang out on the sofa with a dog or two.

Sometimes when I am cooking, he is glued to my side.  I am always afraid  I will burn him or something.  And then I have to breathe and remember he won’t break.

Setting the table is also amusing.  Especially when he chooses his glass to drink out of.  He holds it up to the light, spinning it around looking for spots.  Spotted glasses are immediately rejected.

Then we have the game of not sitting with your feet up and under you  on the seat.  This is where I scare myself.  I hear my mother’s voice coming out of my mouth:

“Please sit the right way in your chair.  You will break the chair down otherwise.”

 Oh. My. God.  Did I really just say that? 

But then in spite of the little back and forth over teeth, showers, sitting in chairs properly, and spotted glasses, there are all the awesome things I have never experienced before  since I am late to the parent party.  The little hugs, a whisper in my ear that he loves me, little gifts he picked out for me himself that I will treasure forever, and text messages just for me.

This is a brave new world for me.  To many this is just ordinary, but to me, who never expected to ever have a child, this new time is magical (when I’m not ripping out my hair learning to speak boy.)   But I expect we will learn together, and, in the end, I will help raise a boy and a boy will help raise me.

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contrasts

Posted on April 23, 2012 by carla

Yesterday my friends fêted me.  It was something I don’t really think I deserved, but love them for it none the less.  There I was surrounded by friends from all stages of my life, wishing me and my sweet man well in our new life together.

I looked around the room at all the faces and really, I showed great restraint and didn’t bawl like a baby.  Of course during part of it I definitely ruined my mascara because my gals had me laughing so hard.

Shocking as it sounds, I did not take photos, and I wish I had.  But this is one of those cool experiences that your friends do for you that just lives in your heart forever.  Like my Driving Miss Daisy Gals. But then again, the women who put this together were part of the Driving Miss Daisy Gals.  They have seen me through so much.

So I am going to contrast it with a nasty little e-mail from a  sitting elected official from where I am moving from, in Lower Merion Township.

There is this elected official, they call them commissioners, named Jane Dellheim.  Suffice it to say, she is not the brightest bulb in the socket.  However, as she has aged, she has morphed into a nasty late middle-aged woman.  Ironically she has a very charming hubby and her daughters are lovely.

So I was watching this meeting last week and this guy  gets up and basically harasses commissioners during a public comment portion.  He is amazingly offensive, and truthfully gives of the whiff of a dangerously angry person.   No one is saying the man isn’t entitled to his opinion, but what he does isn’t just freedom of speech.  For example, in the past, people saw on Lower Merion’s cable channel where this guy attacked a private citizen verbally during a public comment portion of a meeting.  It was this young mother, devoutly Jewish, who had inadvertently taken this guy’s photo while on a public street trying to capture some traffic issues to better make her point with the commissioners.  This guy got up at a subsequent meeting and railed about a private citizen during public comment and said how he had called Homeland Security on this woman.  I am sorry, but that is not normal.

What does this have to do with last week?  Well what he said, how he said it, and the fact he was allowed to say it when many others have been “shushed” publicly for far less just hit a nerve. So I sent the President of the Commissioners an e-mail, and the others were cc’d.  Well Madam President, never responded (I did not expect a response because dealing with some of these folks is like talking to a wall), but dear Jane did:

LOL “Good Riddance”? Wow nasty is as nasty does.  How embarassing…for her.

I am sorry old Jane  is obviously so unhappy. She is also utterly unprofessional as an elected official, not that I expected much, because generally speaking she has always been as insipid as she is underwhelming.

I remember a few years ago when I was the seconding photographer at the Living Beyond Breast Cancer (LBBC) Butterfly Ball she was shocked to see me there as an event photographer.  I was polite and professional and just kept doing what I was being paid to do (take photos) and she was a bit of a freak and made a stink that I was there photographing – mind you if I was her daughter who was running the event at that time for LBBC I would have been mortified.  I actually felt sorry for her insecurity at the time.  But on the other hand, I could not believe she was running around a fabulous event celebrating breast cancer survivors trying to make it all about her. (As a survivor now this has new meaning to me.)

But what a contrast, huh?  Of course many said they could not believe she replied at all.  One of her constituents remarked how she never gets back to her constituents and ignores most of them.

Ah yes, the contrast.  There are nice people in this world and not so nice and unhappy people in this world.

Today is the 22nd of April.  I am just six days off of the anniversary of my diagnosis.

What a difference a year makes.

 

 

 

 

 

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15 minutes

Posted on April 17, 2012 by carla

Well, yesterday, the Wall Street Journal reporter who called me about my old boss and former job called back.  She wanted to go over what she had asked me previously.  The article came out today.  The reporter who called me was Jeannette Neumann.

As far as the article goes, what was said about me by name was factually accurate at least.  I believe part of this whole thing stems from a SEC/OIG report from the 2009 era.  I was a Compliance Officer of an NRSRO.

You see, when the recent financial crisis started, the SEC ramped it up.  They were the regulators that were supposed to be looking out for the best interests of the citizens of the United States before the markets crashed, before Bernie Madoff, etc. (if you have been living under a rock and don’t know what I am talking about, check out the HBO movie Too Big to Fail, for example.) The second thing is my former boss in his analytical capacity downgraded the U.S. recently. And just for the record, where government is concerned I believe in a healthy amount of skepticism.

I have to admit I find it amusing that the Wall Street Journal found me of interest.  I know I was just an avenue to get at or near my ex-boss, but I  enjoyed chatting with Jeannette Neumann anyway.  She’s kind of a big deal as far as reporting for the Wall Street Journal goes.  Of course it was far more enjoyable speaking with her than the SEC folks who called me in a surprise gang conference call two weeks after I resigned.  At the time I found it Big Brother is Watching You offensive – made me realize we really have no privacy anymore in this country.  I also found it equal parts amusing when one regulator asked me if I remembered him.  Like I had early onset Alzheimer’s instead of breast cancer. You know, I forgot to mention that to her, maybe I should have.

Whatever.  This is all in my rear-view mirror.  I hope.  It’s like you can never leave this industry. Or have breast cancer and decide you want to do other things.  There is also the question of our government today and how it behaves, but I will leave that to the conspiracy theorists.

People we live in a strange world.    My life is changing for the better.  Wouldn’t it be ironic in the end if a disease like breast cancer was in a sense a positive catalyst to change my life?

Updated April 16, 2012, 8:56 p.m. ET: Small Credit Rater Raised SEC Concern Egan-Jones Won Approval Despite Procedures, Staffing

By JEANNETTE NEUMANN    and JEAN EAGLESHAM

U.S. regulators gave approval for Egan-Jones Ratings Co. to rate bonds and other securities despite having serious concerns about the firm’s internal procedures and staffing levels, according to people familiar with the situation.

Egan-Jones, which made headlines late last year when a controversial ratings downgrade of Jefferies Group Inc.  JEF +0.24% sent that firm’s stock price reeling, won approval as a credit-rating firm from the Securities and Exchange Commission in December 2007.

However, in 2009, the agency’s internal watchdog criticized the decision to approve the firm’s application…..report didn’t name the firm in question, but people familiar with the matter said Haverford, Pa.-based Egan-Jones was the subject of the criticism.

An SEC spokesman declined to comment. At the time, according to information included in the inspector-general report, the agency told Mr. Kotz that problems identified by the agency’s staff “did not provide a legally viable basis for denying the application.”

Egan-Jones President Sean Egan referred questions about the inspector-general report to the company’s lawyer, Alan S. Futerfas. “Assuming that Egan-Jones is one of the firms identified in the inspector general’s report, obviously the SEC decided to grant [credit-rating firm] status, and it’s extraordinarily in the public interest,” Mr. Futerfas said. He declined to comment whether the unnamed firm was Egan-Jones. “There’s not a single rating by Egan-Jones that the SEC has ever said or even suggested was not of the highest quality or accuracy or integrity,” he said.

….Egan-Jones is one of nine companies approved by the SEC as credit-rating firms…..Egan-Jones’s rating actions have had heightened market impact in recent months…..

Ms. Blakely was succeeded in 2008 by Carla J. Zambelli, who worked as a senior account administrator at what was then Wachovia Securities LLC in Conshohocken, Pa., before joining Egan-Jones, according to the rating firm’s regulatory filings.

Ms. Zambelli said in an interview that she resigned from Egan-Jones in February to focus on her recovery from breast cancer. She said Mr. Egan was surprised she had decided to leave.

Ok, 15 minutes over….we can all now go back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Final giggle? The comments on the article.  Here’s one:

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oh give me a break

Posted on April 12, 2012 by carla

Apparently I just fell off the turnip truck.

I just received a comment to the wrong part of my blog.  And oops sorry, I don’t do free PR for what I consider questionable charities as my Raison d’être.  I do however, as a blogger take great enjoyment in pointing out spinny-spin-spin in the CYA or cover-your-ass category.

So….I am guessing that because I was interviewed by an Emmy award winning investigative journalist about my calls from Breast Cancer Survivors Foundation out of Roselle Park, NJ (and check out the documents released from the State of New Jersey HERE and judge for yourself), that I am getting outreach from the suddenly solicitious and helpful breast cancer “charity”?  You know the place that as per it’s own filings gives back next to nothing to breast cancer patients and survivors? You know the place that calls you at dinner time and can give no info out about itself and what it does but if you give them money they will send you info? Yessss…those people….

When a non-profit is over 90% overhead as per its own filings and has professional fundraisers who are as aggressive as bill collectors calling people instead of being known by good deeds and quiet grace of doing  is THAT who you want your hard-earned money to go to?

When they kept calling me, I could get NO information out of them.  It was all make-a-pledge-and-then-we’ll-tell-all.  When I did my FOIA to New Jersey and wrote about it and the topic took off like an airborne hot potato because so many people had the exact same experience, I still heard nothing from them.  But miracles of miracles, talk to Walt Kane from Kane in Your Korner in New Jersey and all of a sudden they seek me out?  Like they did not know the post was out there since October 2011?  Why I tell you it’s a miracle!

Sorry not buying.   Here is my lovely outreach:

For those who can’t read what this person ‘Dee Dee” (who must also be illegitimate poor thing as she is lacking a last name and if she is the program director, one would think she would wear it proud) wrote:

Hi, I am program director for Breast Cancer Survivors Foundation and I wanted to tell you alittle bit about who we are. BCSF is a new organization focused on helping uninsured and underinsured women obtain mammograms and other breast diagnostic services. We do this by providing grants to clinics and agencies. So far we have provided over 400 mammograms through 14 free clinics and agencies. While it is easy to judge an organization based upon its financial efficiency, the real test is what the organization does with it’s resources. The organization was founded by a doctor who receives no compensation. The founder considered alternate ways to seek public support. Not having corporate or government funding a decision was made to do grassroots fundraising by telefunding. The advantage of telefunding contracts are numerous. First, no capital investment is required. Second, there is no risk loss. Third, the organization gets a guaranteed return regardless of the telefunding agency’s expenses. Our goal for BCSF is develop name recognition over a period of years that allow the organization to diversify its funding appeals. I ask that you not judge us on where we are,but rather on the good work we have done to date, and on the basis of where we are going. A woman whose life has been saved through an early detection program funded by BCSF is not likely concerned with the efficiency of the organizations fundraising. Finally, if you know of a clinic in your area that provides mammograms or breast diagnostic services to uninsured or under insured women please encourage them to email me for a grant application.

In my opinion, legitimate breast cancer charities, even if small, do not solicit by phone.  And guess what?  When I started getting those calls to my unlisted phone number I asked around to other breast cancer charities large and small.  None of them fundraise with cold-callers for hire that are so very “Boiler Room.”.  The people I spoke with found it distasteful and remarked how it was  a very large expense that they would not ever be able to even morally justify.

I also asked the reporter who interviewed me about the doctor who founded the charity – not a breast guy by any stretch of the imagination, not even an oncologist.  Breast cancer is hard enough without wading through charity calls from people who can’t tell you where they got your full name and phone number.  And oh yeah, one other thing.  Look at GuideStar on them – not enough to make me donate, don’t know about you.

And when she the publicist/program director says:

While it is easy to judge an organization based upon its financial efficiency, the real test is what the organization does with it’s resources. The organization was founded by a doctor who receives no compensation. The founder considered alternate ways to seek public support. Not having corporate or government funding a decision was made to do grassroots fundraising by telefunding. The advantage of telefunding contracts are numerous. First, no capital investment is required. Second, there is no risk loss. Third, the organization gets a guaranteed return regardless of the telefunding agency’s expenses. Our goal for BCSF is develop name recognition over a period of years that allow the organization to diversify its funding appeals

Well heck, shucks, I guess I am just a bumpkin? Uhhh, not really.  Lady, I know all about non-profits large and small, and none of the ones I know of, have volunteered for, or do the publicity for use kamikaze telemarketers (love, love, love the phrase “grassroots fundraising by telefunding”!) Legitimate charities (even small and new) get out there at community events, utilize social media and traditional media to get their message out there.  In the world of breast cancer I give you Living Beyond Breast Cancer, breastcancer.org, and Save 2nd Base as but three fine examples of legitimate, hard-working breast cancer charities. Great Guys Group would be another.

So Dee Dee of no last name, I will indeed judge.  Those on the up and up in my humble opinion do not behave like your charity did.  Legitimate charities do not tell someone they can only have information if they make a donation.  Legitimate charities do not gobble up the majority of their donations in corporate overhead and related expenses.  Without government funding there are ways to raise money.  Including from grants from like-minded foundations and corporations.

So don’t sing the breast cancer blues to me, lady.  You people called me.  But not until I became a survivor – that means you bought my good name from someone.  And if you expect me to believe that somewhere along the line this doctor isn’t getting something financial out of it, well I might as well believe in the Easter Bunny.

The President of this non-profit is according to what is filed with NJ a guy named Yulius Poplyansky.  According to HeathGrades website he went to med school in Latvia (“Riga Medical Academy”) .  According to Vitals this guy speaks Latvian, Romanian, Russian, Spanish, Ukrainian, Yiddish and the name of the med school he went to is Riga Stradins University (Rsu).

I can’t find anywhere how this guy ties to breast cancer or that it is his speciality.  Hippaspace has this (click here.) And when you plug him into Pipl there is all sorts of stuff. What is The International Foundation of Innovative Medicine?  (See Amazon review HERE and look for the name Yulius Poplyansky or look halfway down the page HERE) Is this guy a Master of the Universe or what? Is this the same guy HERE?

So I don’t know…this all seems weird to me…but what do I know?  I am just a breast cancer survivor….if you are going to donate to a breast cancer charity CHECK them out.  See what they have done.  Are they on GuideStar and in good standing? How do Better Business Bureaus and state charity offices perceive them?   Given ALL the comments about this charity under my original post am I really alone in my questioning this outfit and the founder?

Just sayin’

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what is it people don’t understand about breast cancer changing a person?

Posted on April 10, 2012 by carla

Greetings faithful readers.  As you all know a couple of months ago I decided my health was more important than a job in an industry that is incredibly stressful.   I have never spoken about my job much, because face it,  if you were not a compliance officer or worked in a compliance department it would probably bore the tears out of you.  It’s not glamorous.  There are no Hollywood-esque “Working Girl” moments with a Harrison Ford across the hall.   In the end when compared to your life, it’s just a job, and as is the case with most women who have had breast cancer if they are honest with themselves, having breast cancer changes you. And those changes often include significant life changes.

After my diagnosis, surgery, and those seven delightful weeks of radiation I really began to think about what was important.  And I also found I could no longer process the stress related to the job the way I used to.  So I made a conscious decision to further change my life to ensure my life is long.  I resigned my job.  Not an easy decision.  But  I did it.  And here I am almost two months later, and I know I made the right decision for me.

Once you have had breast cancer, or any kind of cancer, you find yourself looking at your own mortality.  I was speaking to someone today who is a survivor and she said it made her realize when she was diagnosed that her life would have an eventual end point.  Maybe to some of your ears that sounds awful or morbid, but it just is what it is.

So here I am trying to mind my own business and get on with my life, yet my old (work) life, doesn’t want to seem to leave me.   I didn’t write about it before, but a couple of weeks after I resigned my job some of the regulators that were assigned to overseeing my branch of the financial services industry called me on my cell phone after I left  my old company – when compliance officers leave, companies have to file about that – it is a material change to a company in the financial services industry.  Therefore, in a sense, my decision to leave because of breast cancer became a public one of sorts.   Good thing I decided from jump to be open about my breast cancer, right?

Anyway, I can’t say I didn’t expect the call, nor is it completely out of the realm of normal.  It still irritated the crap out of me – one because my cell phone isn’t just out there with directory assistance, and secondly because government has this big brother aspect at times that I find incredibly intrusive and in a sense at times runs contrary to the freedoms our founding fathers bled for two hundred some odd years ago.

I told them yes, I really did have breast cancer, really was treated for breast cancer,  and yes having breast cancer really did motivate me to look at my life and make changes.  I thought that was the end of it.

Until today when a reporter called me on my cell phone. (Yes, my increasingly popular cell phone number.)

Now I know a lot of members of the media (mostly local and regional), but this is not someone with whom any of my contacts interact, nor is it someone I know or ever reached out to. It’s someone who I have read in the past, but that is about it.

This was  a very pleasant voiced person, working on a story about my part of the financial services industry. They were calling to inquire into  what it was like doing my job, why I left.   And oh yes, I had kind of been backgrounded I think before the call was placed because they knew I was a blogger, etc.  And remarked how I had never really talked about my job as a compliance officer, or my now former industry.   Well  wouldn’t that be like lawyers and doctors blogging about their patients/clients by name or something?  Why would you do that?

So I went through the breast cancer of it all again.

Maybe leaving my job because of breast cancer took chutzpah, but you know what?  I don’t want unmanageable stress levels.  Stress kills.  I want to live my life, my way.  And I am not the first woman to do this.

At the end of the day, maybe it takes another survivor to understand the desire to change aspects of your life after a life altering disease that also disfigures your breasts, but I really wish more did understand.   And respect it.

So I hope it’s all cleared up now, because I am tired of this.  I want to live my life and enjoy it.  I want to do something cool.  If you are calling me to offer me a dream job like a gallery showing of my photographs or my own column in a magazine or newspaper, that’s wonderful.    Otherwise, the reason I decided to change my life a couple of months ago isn’t going to change.  I am a breast cancer survivor.  I have had breast cancer.   Once you utter either one of those sentences you are already different.  It just is.

As an aside,  April 28th is the 1st anniversary of my diagnosis.

Final note?  According to snopes.com citrus fruits may potentially harbor anti-cancer properties.  So maybe there is more truth than not to if life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Over and out.

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interviewed today….

Posted on April 3, 2012 by carla

So as you all know, I got a bee in my bonnet when the bogus breast cancer charities came calling.   I wrote two posts on the topic on this blog and they have been rather popular.

Today I was interviewed by a television reporter from New Jersey named Walt Kane who has a show or news segment called Kane in Your Korner for News 12 New Jersey.

It was cool to do the interview, and when it airs I will put up a link.  It is kind of awesome to know that people appreciate what I write about – Walt Kane was connected to me by another guy in the television industry who had also been solicited by bogus breast cancer charities and when he started to do his research, my blog posts on the topic came up.  How cool is that?

In 25 days it is one year since my breast cancer diagnosis.  What a long strange trip it’s been, huh?

Here are the posts:

getting solicitation calls from breast cancer survivors foundation?

and

breast cancer research society: nothing like a rude breast cancer charity phone solicitor 

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thoughts

Posted on March 22, 2012 by carla

Along my journey with breast cancer I have been blessed with the company of some truly fabulous women.  Some survivors of various cancers, others just fabulous and blessedly healthy.

One woman I am thinking about right now was amazing to me.  She always just popped into my e-mail like the psychic friend network when I needed someone to keep me real.

It was this friend who told me it was o.k. to give myself permission to wallow a little on occasion and to feel the range of emotion I needed to keep myself emotionally whole and positive.  She said it was o.k. to go to almost the dark side for lack of a better description so you could climb out the other side.

This friend is a survivor.    And it is back.  So I am asking all of you out there to send positive energy out into the world for my friend to feel.  She is an amazing human being.

Life is short, we are constantly reminded of the very fragility of what we hold dear.  I also know God never gives us more than we can handle, right?

Here’s to you my friend and kicking cancer’s ass…again.

xoxo

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judge not, that ye be not judged

Posted on March 20, 2012 by carla

Matthew 7:1 says “Judge not, that ye be not judged”

So I got a note on a LinkedIn group I am a member of about a new breast cancer survivor book called The Blessings & Bling which is by Sheron C. Patterson and described on Amazon thusly:

Editorial Reviews

Review

“If there is such a thing as a fresh balm for an ancient woman-pain, Dr. Sheron Patterson has done it! Breast Cancer is a wound at the intersection between the maternal and the erotic, and it punches a hole in the heart of our feminine self. This book gives us a needle, thread and luxurious fabric, to hand-stitch ourselves back together again — and to fashion life with more beauty, and more meaning, than we could have imagined it before the disease. Read this book – then buy two more! One for some woman in a cancer battle; and another for any companion who needs to comprehend the journey.” –Reverend Dr. Claudette Anderson Copeland, D.Min., Pastor, New Creation Christian Fellowship, San Antonio, Texas Author COMING THROUGH THE DARKNESS: Cancer and One Woman’s Journey to Wholeness 20 Year Survivor…, it reminds us of the God who dresses us in gratitude and compassion. >> –The Revd Dr. Joy J. Moore, PhD >> >> Professor of Homiletics and the Practice of Ministry Duke University, Durham, North Carolina
About the Author
Sheron C. Patterson is a grateful breast cancer survivor who believes in helping others survive on a national and an international basis. In 2006, Dr. Patterson was diagnosed with breast cancer. She turned what could have been a tragedy into a triumph by creating numerous wellness and breast cancer awareness programs that touched thousands. As a result, The Patterson Pledge, Mammograms for the Masses and Breast Cancer Builds were created. Whether she hosted international delegations of breast cancer survivors, or encouraged women who live in homeless shelters, Dr. Patterson has a message that lifts persons from all walks of life. Dr. Sheron C. Patterson is an author of eight books that empower and encourage…… She is an ordained United Methodist pastor with twenty years as senior pastor. Her most recent book is, The Blessings and Bling: How Faith and Fashion helped me survive breast cancer.

 

This is obviously a bit of a faith-based tome, and face it when you are facing breast cancer, you need your faith and to have faith. So that’s o.k.

But the title of this hit a tin note with me.  I am all for lightening the mood as I have had to do it, but if I went on title alone, I would not buy the book.

However, it is not my place to judge or judge a book by it’s cover as this is obviously one good woman who has done a lot for her fellow man (and woman.)

I am all for treating yourself as you face cancer milestones, but shop responsibly.  The bills of breast cancer can stress the crap out of you, so while you should treat yourself, manage your expenses.

Sorry, but even though I like a little splurge now and then I am inherently practical.  I never spend what I can’t pay off in a month, maybe two tops.  Just a personal best practice.

But in spite of a title that is just not me, this woman is not off base.  I have to tell you again how breast cancer strikes at the core of a woman’s femininity.  It’s still hitting on mine, some days pretty hard.  Tamoxifen is necessary, but I don’t like it and I don’t like how it makes me feel.  Truthfully, some days I feel so ugly and blobular.  I am making a concentrated effort to exercise and eat better but the physical, emotional, and psychological effects are very real and can’t be discounted.

I am just lucky that I have a support system like I have in my sweet man.   He is realistic but he does compliment me – something my ex never really did.  My ex would say helpful things like “are you going to wear that?” if he said anything at all.  Most of the time I was invisible and that is something that is going to take time to fade because it was damaging. When I see myself through my sweet man’s eyes, it makes all the difference.

A website I would encourage survivors and those entering this journey to check out is Surviving Beautifully .  It’s part of a larger project and Victoria Tillotson is amazing.  Also check out breascancer.org and Living Beyond Breast Cancer.

Yesterday I had to stop and get gas.  When I went into the mini mart to pay there was a sweet woman on undetermined age who waited on me.  She had a horrible case of lymphedema.  I knew she was a survivor.  She must have known from the look on my face that I knew because she said softly to me “How long for you? For me 6 1/2 years.”  I told her one year June 1st  and it was an oddly nice moment in an unexpected place.

My sweet man and I are settling into our future and I am a step-mother in training to a child who has become the child of my heart.  When they say God closes a window and opens the door, he’s not kidding.

I am still looking for a new job, and have discovered courtesy of the Commonwealth of PA that they have many ways to turn you down for unemployment compensation.  You know how all states say take available work?

HA!

I found out last week that $75.00 I earned  and reported for selling a few photos to a local paper puts me into independent contractor status and in spite of my former job which counted as normal earnings from an employer, apparently they may be able to use that as a loophole to deny my claim.  Not that they might not do it already because I resigned a high stress job because of my health.  Except there, I have my doctors who wanted me to change my career. The system is crazy – they say they want to put you back to work, yet the actions seem to encourage people to lie or not work.

Now that all is said and done I will tell you what paid the bills the past few years: I was a Compliance Officer in the financial services industry for an SEC registered entity.  Very high stress.  It robbed me of years of sleep and gave me high blood pressure.  Before I took this last job I actually had low blood pressure.

Just over a month out of that job I am starting to feel more like my old self.  You don’t realize what stress can do to you until you lift yourself out of a stressful situation.  I am starting to sleep again.  Some nights it’s not so good because of the Tamoxifen and hot flashes, but as I reduce my stress, the hot flashes aren’t as wicked or as frequent.

This disease, it is in an evolving journey.

I’m still learning. About myself and others.  I have come far in a year and my life is changing.  I have actually started to learn to accept changes more easily.

Walk on, people. Walk on.  You define your life, not a disease or disorder.

 

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breathe and exhale….

Posted on March 16, 2012 by carla

Today I woke up a jumble of nerves and emotions.  It was my first mammogram post diagnosis/surgery/treatment.  And I had ultrasounds too to take a peek at my uterine lining and all that good stuff on Tamoxifen. (I have had fibroids and ovarian cysts through out my life.) Also had a skin check at the dermatologist.

I was fine until I got to Penn Radnor and then it was like I had lead in my feet.  It seemed the short walk from the parking lot to the front doors took forever.  When I got in I went first to my dermatology appointment to check in.  Only one problem, that was my last appointment.  Grrr.  So running around the halls I went.

Into the mammogram room I went and my technician was awesome. But boy, I have to tell you, mammogram minus part of your breast kind of hurts.

Then I went to sit down, drink more water and wait.  For ultrasounds and to get copies of my breast images and to see if they wanted more shots of my breasts.

When a nurse came to bring me into an inner office to wait for a radiologist named Dr. DuPont I thought I was going to pass out.  The room did spin a couple of seconds.

Turns out, this  has a best practice of meeting with the patients.  And the best was he said everything seems to look o.k.

YAY!

The nurse told me she was glad to see the color back in my face.

I am not sure about the ultrasounds yet, but the technician didn’t indicate anything amiss.

My skin check was also clean, but my dermatologist Dr. Roth told me that I am now at an increased risk of skin cancer due to the seven weeks I glowed with radiation.  I did not know that, but it is good to know.

I bought myself a pair of shoes afterwards.

One down.

Thank you all for you support and positive vibes and prayers today.  I needed them and appreciate them.

Breathe….

Exhale….

I did it….

 

 

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life moments/girl power/here we go again

Posted on March 15, 2012 by carla

So earlier this week I went to the spring launch party for Main Line Parent Magazine hosted by one of my Beyond The Pink Moon Lovelies, Pamela.  What a nice bunch of women!   It can be hard walking into an unknown circle of ladies, and how pleasant they all were.  And I saw my pal Janet too.

Then the other day I made the acquaintance of an older man.  Today was his wife’s first day of chemo for lung cancer.  Then she has radiation after she finishes the chemo course.  She sounded terrified and he also by default.  A total stranger, and I was hard-pressed not to give him a hug.

One of the things this man asked me is whether or not he should let her go to appointments alone.  I told him no even if she said she could do it and then told him about my Driving Miss Daisy Gals and what they did for me.  It felt good to pay that forward.   I wish them well.  That totally sucks – here is this cute couple enjoying retirement and BAM! a life changer.

Now for the humor portion of my week.  I had a freelance assignment and was having a working lunch yesterday at a local place called Du Jour .

So there we were working on our project partially over lunch and all of a sudden at my elbow was this tall blonde woman in an outfit I would neither purchase nor recommend to a friend looking at us.  I looked up at her quizzically and asked if I could help her and she launches into this shill for the boutique next door called Linda Golden.

This woman dressed in convenient sized 2 or 4 launches into this spiel about showing us the latest fashions from this boutique.  I try to politely deflect her as  I was there working over lunch with a couple other people, not there as a lady who lunches.  She interrupted us and then would not take a hint.

I found this smirky, talking mannequin incredibly intrusive and I swear what does it take for someone to get the hint?  I finally said to her point-blank that we were working and thanked her for her time.  She looked at me like I had some nerve.  It was ridiculous.  And lordy, if you go into the store it’s not a place for women who are not twigs or who don’t carry at least a gold American Express card.  This chick had no KYC radar – a/k/a Know Your Client. And the couple of times over the years I went into the place she was shilling for  to look for a gift, the people working there were down right snotful.

I was amused that as this mannequin went from table to table (in between going back to the store for costume changes), people did not look thrilled to be interrupted.  But unless you are going to a fashion show luncheon, do you necessarily want a table-side fashion show?  It was like the lap dance you didn’t order.  This is one of my favorite lunch spots, but if guerilla fashion shows are going to be part of the repertoire they could at least warn people when they are seated so they can opt out if they choose.

Now for the I’m nervous of it all: tomorrow is my first mammogram and ultra sounds since my diagnosis, surgery and treatment.  My sweet man tells me I will be fine and I think I will be….but I am a little scared.

So there we have it…..

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