My surgeon just called…a little good news in the cloudy sky : I am thankfully HER2 NEGATIVE, which is a GOOD.
HER2 is nasty .
They do say this is receptor positive hormone fed… so many details…
More reading found:
HER2/neu , Hormone therapy for breast cancer , HER2-POSITIVE BREAST CANCER , HER2-positive breast cancer: What is it? , BRCA gene test for breast cancer , Invasive lobular carcinoma (definition) ,
Whoosh is the sound my busy head continues to make…So earlier this morning when I was walking I did a mind flashback to a few months ago when a new neighbor moved in around the corner from me. I came out of the house to see a woman with a small black dog I did not know sobbing at the end of my driveway. I went up to her because how can you just leave a human being to sob like that?
So it ends up she had just moved in, was going through a divorce, had a little boy….and a diagnosis for breast cancer. So I stood on the edge of my driveway that day and let a total stranger pretty much sob on my shoulder. What else could I do?
Thankfully she is doing fine right now and I have to remember things like that. And she is a really neat woman besides, so I have a new friend too out of it.
I ran into another woman I know who has been through breast cancer and just went through Cadillac Chemo for early ovarian cancer. They caught it SO early she is either in remission or clean. She had pushed her insurance company and doctors for a genetic test called a BRCA test :
Breast cancer is a common disease. Each year, approximately 200,000 women in the United States are diagnosed with breast cancer, and one in nine American women will develop breast cancer in her lifetime. But hereditary breast cancer — caused by a mutant gene passed from parents to their children — is rare. Estimates of the incidence of hereditary breast cancer range from between 5 to 10 percent to as many as 27 percent of all breast cancers.
In 1994, the first gene associated with breast cancer — BRCA1 (for BReast CAncer1) was identified on chromosome 17. A year later, a second gene associated with breast cancer — BRCA2 — was discovered on chromosome 13. When individuals carry a mutated form of either BRCA1 or BRCA2, they have an increased risk of developing breast or ovarian cancer at some point in their lives. Children of parents with a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation have a 50 percent chance of inheriting the gene mutation.
Hmmm? How do I get that and a PET scan? But I think I will have to.
Apparently 1 in 9 women get breast cancer per year and in this area of PA/NJ/DE the numbers are higher at 1 in 6.
Madam hates being a statistic.
But I am still O.K.
Later people.
Bin Laden might be dead today, and William and Kate might be married (and can we stop talking about it now please?) but cranky me has not had enough sleep and can only try to put one foot ahead of the other this morning and wait for my French Press to be ready….I could not sleep but a few hours last night…and as you all know in the middle of the night is when a busy brain is the worst.
I am told by my friends that I am one of the strongest women they know, but I just don’t feel like I am operating on all cylinders…most cylinders maybe, but I do feel different. Not symptomatic – that has been the hardest thing to accept about this because I feel fine. I also don’t feel brave nor strong…just me a little tired and definitely overwhelmed.
It’s just that God has a strange sense of humor. I am finally where I want to be with who I want to be with, so life should be better right? But the flip side of course is I could be beginning this journey in my previous relationship and I know two things for certain: he would have made it all about him and then bolted. And you, my friends, got me through that too, and well, I feel guilty to be burdening everyone yet again. I don’t even know how or when I will be able to repay the kindnesses and the love I feel is like a big blanket wrapping around me. But then again, as I had discovered before this diagnosis, that is what good relationships do. But for the lump I am a lucky woman.
But still, why this additional life test? And to put my family through this after everything everyone has been through? Why an additional dose of cruel?
But in the middle of the night, this is all worse. But a friend of mine who had thyroid cancer told me yesterday that this is all indeed normal in a world that feels a little tilted to one side. She told me that you have to go there in your head to come out the other side. Given the way my brain works, she might be right.
I want to be positive 24/7 but guys, being a cheerleader is exhausting. I feel better emotionally this morning then I did in the middle of the night, but I am tired.
This is all so much to process. This is one of those situations where I wish I did not have the big girl pants, but was still a little girl.
But then I think about all the amazing women who have gone through this – Julia Child, Shirley Temple Black, Christina Applegate, Melissa Ethridge, Mariann Faithfull, Nancy Reagan, Peggy Fleming, Betty Ford, Edie Falco,Dame Maggie Smith.
And yes there is a freaky Wikipedia page devoted to this.
Oh my, even writing about this I might drive you all crazy as I go through this.
Truly, I am sorry, but I am a talker and I am a writer, and right or wrong, I do not know how else to do this.
Please bear with me, apparently I truly am a work in progress.
I mean shit, I have breast cancer. What a damn confounding and irritating concept that is.
Life must and does go on….and so it shall. But I am a little cranky about all of this.
Prognosis for the day is o.k. – truly
I am scheduled this week for the MRI, chest x-ray, EKG, blood work for the vampires. My pre-cert queen was back in my surgeon’s office. her name is Kathleen and she is pretty damn cool. And her birthday is two days after mine.
Shit, 12 days to my birthday. There’s a concept.
Ok, focus – so what did I learn about the health insurance industry today? That when they say your health insurance pre-cert is NOT ready, it might be.
Yup. My pre-cert was complete last Friday, so I could have indeed gone for all these tests on Friday afternoon and gotten a jump on this, but nooooooo….
Ok, no use crying over spilt pre-certs.
So the call to radiology wasn’t as happy – I got one of the ladies I get when I schedule my ultrasounds for the other fun project which seems so minimal now – fibroids, ovarian cysts – and wow, to think I have been complaining about those for years! Anyway, it’s kinda hard when you get someone who recognizes you.
I feel better now that I have some of this scheduled.
HA! Now we get to see what health insurance pays for….
For the first time since I got that damn phone call from my truly lovely breast surgeon, I am by myself.
Completely and totally alone.
Ha, and guess what? The woman who likes all her alone time misses the noise of her people.
And just wow…who the hell knew my head would be so busy, although I guess this is normal.
My brain is spinning at the thought of scheduling appointments, going to appointments, and the penultimate in fun…fear of dealing with the beast known as the insurance company.
One of my best friend’s daughters just reduced me to tears on the phone (I swallowed them so as to not freak her out)
She was just so sweet – asked me if I was o.k. Of course I all but lost it…and said I thought so but I was kind of scared.
“Don’t be scared” she said, “you’ll be fine and we’ll be here”
Out of the mouths of babes, and I think that might be the hardest thing about this, knowing you will need to lean on people, yet afraid to do it at the same time.
How do millions of women go through this and am I just being a big baby?
I wish I had some answers, but all I have are more questions.
I think I need more noise and less quiet…I feel like crying but I am just not sure why.
So maybe I will just do laundry instead.
The diagnosis arrived the afternoon before my 30th high school reunion…which was not the most opportune time to find out I had breast cancer. (Not that there is an opportune time )
So I have been through the weekend and have already begun to notice that some people have a hard time with my decision to be open about it, talk about it, and even if the spirit moves me – make slightly shall we say off color remarks about this. After all, it is my body, my life, and if I can’t laugh and do what I have to do to stay positive, how the hell do I avoid run on sentances and get through this?
One of my friends from high school said to another friend something to the extent of was I was o.k. because I was just sort of out there with the news. He smiled and said “she is going to be about this like everything else – herself.”
Mind you I have already had some moments that are a little weepy, because face it, this is as scary as shit. But truthfully, I don’t know how else to process this other than to be myself. That and try and keep the little voice out of my head that is a little raw, a lot emotional and wonders if I will be ugly and scarred when this is all over with.
But I think I would rather have a few scars and be alive.
This is a bit of a ramble, but I expect that is what this blog will be a bit of …a ramble…I have a lot of thoughts running around unattended in this brain of mine.
Prognosis for the day: I am good. Smile.
Two days ago I got the shock of my life: I have breast cancer. Invasive lobular cancer to be precise.
Wow.
Seriously, I know God never gives one more than one can handle, but really?
I just received the diagnosis and next week the rollercoaster begins: the MRIs, the chest x-rays, EKG, blood work and piles and piles and piles of insurance forms.
Am I scared? Hell, yes. But I have to get through it, I have too much to live for.
Writing has always been my catharsis, so it will be my refuge here. I think one of the only ways I will get through this is to talk about it, so I will.
I have told most of my friends and my family and I am so blessed a woman to have the most wonderful crew to wrap my heart around.
And I have the love of a very special man, who amazingly seems to handle just about anything with an amazing calm and generosity of spirit.
And so it begins, readers. I do not know how often I will write, but I will tell you my head is so full it is swirling.
I know I am strong, but I know my mettle will be tested.
Will I keep or lose my breast? Will I lose both breasts? I don’t know. But all I do know is that millions of women go through this with grace and dignity and amazing strength. It is a sisterhood I have long admired.
I just did not expect to join it so soon.
Welcome to my journey.
Thanks for stopping by.
Welcome to the journey I am now embarking on. I can’t promise it will be pretty, but I promise it will be honest.
I just found out I have breast cancer, and this blog will be part of how I cope. I hope that as I learn and heal that I can pay it forward for other women.
…You see, I never thought I would be one of these women
ihavebreastcancerblog 