quiet…

For the first time since I got that damn phone call from my truly lovely breast surgeon, I am by myself. 

Completely and totally alone.

 Ha, and guess what? The woman who likes all her alone time misses the noise of her people.

And just wow…who the hell knew my head would be so busy, although I guess this is normal.

My brain is spinning at the thought of scheduling appointments, going to appointments, and the penultimate in fun…fear of dealing with the beast known as the insurance company.

One of my best friend’s daughters just reduced me to tears on the phone (I swallowed them so as to not freak her out)

She was just so sweet – asked me if I was o.k. Of course I all but lost it…and said I thought so but I was kind of scared.

“Don’t be scared” she said, “you’ll be fine and we’ll be here”

Out of the mouths of babes, and I think that might be the hardest thing about this, knowing you will need to lean on people, yet afraid to do it at the same time.

How do millions of women go through this and am I just being a big baby?

I wish I had some answers, but all I have are more questions.

I think I need more noise and less quiet…I feel like crying but I am just not sure why.

So maybe I will just do laundry instead.

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About carla

Writer, blogger, photographer, breast cancer survivor. I write about whatever strikes my fancy as I meander through life.
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One Response to quiet…

  1. pazlo says:

    “I feel like crying but I am just not sure why.
    So maybe I will just do laundry instead.”
    There should be a good word for “laughing and crying simultaneously”. There probably is in Hebrew.
    Paz

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