my awesome friends

Posted on December 28, 2011 by carla

So now I know I was on the right track with my earlier post which has incidentally proven to be shall we say  slightly locally controversial…I have yet to understand why my opinions can be like lightning rods.  I am just one person…

As I was waiting for my sweet man so we could have dinner with his father, there was a knock at the door – a florist standing there with a GIANT flower arrangement.  I asked him if he was sure he had the right address.  He did.

Flowers were sent by a couple I know who live in Arkansas right now.  The husband of the marital equation has been a friend since the 4th grade and we went to both grade school and high school together.  And his wife is just so lovely a human being.

Anyway, on the 23rd of December they called me.  The wife had been Googling to see what I had been blogging about and hit on the piece I wrote for the Main Line Times during breast cancer awareness month and then the subsequent interview I gave the Inquirer Neighbors section .

Unfortunately in the craziness that ensued from diagnosis through to the end of treatment I did not get to everyone in my world to tell them what was going on…and my bad, but a lot of the people who fell through the cracks were the out- of -staters.

So they phoned me in an understandable panic afraid I really wasn’t o.k.  And we all had a great catch-up conversation and I wish they were closer…anyway, they sent me these flowers “just because”, apparently.  The flowers are so beautiful and I am so touched they did that for me.

You see, things like this are what this season is all about.  Not drivel about are you re-gifting and why.  It’s like another present I received unexpectedly from a woman I love dearly – an angel plaque – so beautiful and who can’t use an angel in their life?

The people in my life continue to amaze me.   I am honored that I have such amazing friends.

Breast cancer is a strange life teacher, friends, it truly is.  I know I am blessed by those in my life.

My final note is a wish to literally pray it forward for my neighbor whom I have written about in the past who has stage 4 colorectal cancer.  She is so amazing and has survived I have lost count of how many rounds of horrible, nasty chemo.  She is going in someplace for a reassessment of her cancer.  We need to send her some angels.  She has shown amazing grace and strength and positiveness in her war on cancer.

2011 is almost over, folks.  Not to be trite, but it is a year that has indeed been the best of times and the worst of times.

Here’s wishing everyone a beautiful 2012 if I don’t make it up here to post again until after the New Year.

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even the grinch would find this driveltastically rude…..

Posted on December 27, 2011 by carla

A post that has nothing to do with breast cancer.

It’s just when I find something that is on a “news” site the day after Christmas that I can’t decide if the author was raised in a barn or is just amazingly crass, dumb, rude, and insensitive all rolled into one I feel compelled to talk about it.

What I am referring to is what is an “article” on a local AOL Patch site:

Tell Us Your Worst Christmas Present  By Lucy Bennett

Patch wants to know what the worst present was that you got this year, or any year, for that matter.

Did you get yet another tie and you’re not a tie wearer? Did you get a vacuum and think you’re husband’s sending you the wrong message? Please add your stories to the comments below.

Tell us the worst present you got and do you plan to regift it?

Wow and this one has a job writing?  Interesting.  Notice the published typo “you’re” husband’s…uhhh  maybe try “your” instead?  Tell us the worst present you got? How about received as opposed to got?  I could go on, but I won’t. We all know the typos, etc will disappear like magic after I publish this.

AOL advertises Patch sites as “micro news hubs”.  Only I am discovering on a lot of the Patch sites as time goes by there is more and more drivel like this and less and less actual news.  Which is a pity as people do want local news where they live.

But the fact that the  writing police needing to visit this chick aside, the premise of this post is revoltingly offensive. And she posted it the day after Christmas?  (Hello Emily Post? You have an etiquette emergency here….)

It also makes you wonder what Christmas actually means to someone who would write something like this, doesn’t it?

Presents are a part of Christmas, but they are not the meaning of Christmas.

Scrooge and Grinch ain’t got nothing on Miss Lucy from Patch, apparently.  But then again, every Lucy I have met has had a constipated personality. Seriously. I have never met this woman, but given this post, she would be a skip it if the situation ever arose.

I am grateful if someone even takes the time to think about giving me a gift. It’s not about what a gift is half the time, it’s the fact that someone actually cared enough to take the time to think of you.

Now I am sure this woman undoubtedly gives the best presents ever known to man (and will tell you so herself, undoubtedly), but to put this post out there the day after Christmas?  Tacky is as tacky does.

And if this is the future of journalism, we’re all in trouble.

Sorry, but one should  file this under rude and tasteless.  But what do I know?  I am just a breast cancer survivor who has been shown by what happened to me what is really important in life.  And what this chick is trying to serve up?

A big “delete” button is the way to go with this.

Being human and occasionally grateful isn’t a bad thing.  Hope this woman figures it out some day.  Ultimately, she might be someone to merely be pitied because she just doesn’t get it. And to think this Miss Lucy is a REGIONAL Patch Editor….

Post Script:

8:09 p.m. and my comments have started an amusing online conversation under the original post which also had an…ummmm edit or two to correct the errors if not the ridiculous content.  Also, here is a comment I received via a Facebook group from another breast cancer survivor on the topic at hand:

Then, it’s me, too, as a breast cancer survivor.  Why would someone care what the worst gift was that someone else received?  Someone who gave that person that gift could be reading the Patch and see that the gift that they spent time selecting and paid money for was hated by that person.  How insensitive.  If someone thought enough to buy someone else a gift and that person didn’t care for it, give it to charity.  Aren’t there more important things to discuss than what was the worst gift you received?
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ghosts of christmas past….

Posted on December 22, 2011 by carla

Today a year ago, my sister became a widow, when my awesome brother-in-law died after a  3 week bout with peritoneal mesothelioma.  Needless to say I was thinking about him today.

My brother-in-law was  loving and kind.  He had an amazing generosity of spirit. My last message from him was around  December 20, 2010.  He told me to save him some Christmas cookies.  It was at that point last year that I started burning batches of cookies by accident.

I was also thinking of my late father the past couple of days.  It started when I was looking through my books to pull out the Christmas ones a little note my father had written me as a gift enclosure fluttered to the floor.  Seeing his handwriting I was instant puddle, just add tears.

My father and my brother-in-law loved Christmas.  My father took forever to decorate the tree.  It was a total study in symmetry and precision – the lights were perfectly placed, nary an ornament out-of-place.  His trees were gorgeous and he won awards when we were little for his door sprays when we lived in Society Hill.

I can still see both of them in my mind’s eye and hear their voices in my head.  These are the ghosts of Christmas past whom I miss.

Both were men who loved their families and they were part of my inspiration to get through breast cancer strong and in a positive frame of mind.

I will also note how proud I am of my sister.  She has shown the most remarkable strength and bravery and love in this past year and I think she is amazing.

Anyway, I expect Christmas this year will hold many layers for me.  I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for.  The top of that list is I know I am loved, and that is one of the best gifts human beings can give to one and other.

 Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.

~Laura Ingalls Wilder

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the cookie chronicles

Posted on December 19, 2011 by carla

Did I mention I like to bake?

So I told you guys about this awesome baking blog I discovered called “Baking Bites”, right?  Well between that and Betty Crocker and AllRecipes.com , I found my cookie inspiration and truly regained my baking mojo.

It’s weird to say, but losing all those months to breast cancer diagnosis, surgery, treatment, and starting Tamoxifen, I also lost my ability for a while to do random things I like.  Like baking and photography.

I picked up the camera again as soon as my stitches, etcetera were healed enough that I could lift a camera without wincing, but the time to myself to just bake and cook and be a slightly domestic diva didn’t roll around until now. Because once I got back to normal, work ramped up like it always does and I just felt like I was running hither and thither like a chicken with its head cut off.

But last week, when I agonized over taking a few hours off to attend my mother’s Christmas luncheon I realized I was breaking my promise to myself post-breast cancer surgery/treatment to make time for ME; to take time for what I wanted to do.  After all, at 47, every extra year you get with your own parents is a blessing…let alone surviving even one bout with breast cancer – a lot of women aren’t that lucky.  So I decided to pick myself up and stick to my own promises…..

So I was a lady who lunched for a couple of hours for and afternoon last week and now I have  baked….and baked…..and baked…

Peanut butter, chocolate chip, and cardamom sugar cookies . Molasses, Pfeffernusse, Snickerdoodles, and Lemon Macaroons. Raided tins from blonde Barb’s basement, and have gone thru 2 lbs. Butter, 5 lbs flour, and so on.

This elf’s ass is dragging…but my baking mojo is back, and it felt good to do all this if not a little insane.

I see recipes as a basic guide.  I drive people crazy because I pretty much experiment and change them all.

The cookie chronicles for Christmas 2011 is now over but for the eating.  (No, not all by me, sillies!)

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five things

Posted on December 19, 2011 by carla

No, not a magnum opus, just a small post that was sparked by a woman I know who is going through the breast cancer dance herself in 2011.

Her name is Gwen, and she is an amazing woman and a friend of hers challenged her to name five good things about 2011.  Gave me food for thought.  She deserves all the credit for being the impetus of this post.

Here’s my list:

  • Survived breast cancer with a positive prognosis
  • The love of my friends while going through treatment
  • The love of my family while going through treatment
  • Being able to fall in love again and believe in it this time around.
  • Five but not last as he is a part of all of the above: my sweet man

What are YOUR five good things  in 2011?  Feel free to leave them in a comment.

Yesterday we decorated our first tree together.  And I have been the cookie baking whirling dervish.   Peanut butter, chocolate chip, cardamom sugar cookies made and baked. Molasses, Pfeffernusse, and snickerdoodles left to bake. Raided tins from Barb’s basement, and have gone thru 2 lbs. Butter, 5 lbs flour, and so on. This elf’s ass is dragging…still nam debating macaroons….I discovered an awesome baking blog called Baking Bites – try her recipes.

There was a lot not so nice about 2011, but the good things helped me get through the bad things.

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”

~Ophrah Winfrey

 

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visiting with a neighbor

Posted on December 16, 2011 by carla

Today I saw a neighbor I had not seen in close to a year.  He is part of the fabric of my neighborhood.  He is older and had a fall which really incapcitated him, and has also had prostate cancer.

I was so glad to see him.  He is an awesome man, and always does nice things for neighbors, like plowing our tiny streets himself for years and years.  He would plow because often we had to wait a while for our local municipality to plow us out as we are counted  as secondary streets.

He is not as mobile as he once was, and has an amazing and positive outlook on life I  can totally appreciate and applaud.  He and I swapped stories of our lives in the recent past and when I told him about my little dance with breast cancer he said “it just goes to show you never know what is going on with your neighbors just a few doors down.”

We spoke of how the neighborhood had changed and how he and his wife laughed to each other recently about being the new older generation.  He brought his wife to their house as a new bride, and now has long  since raised his children.  He made me laugh when he said “never retire” because it was a few days after he retired that he had his fall.

For the first time he told me about his family.  Lovely stories of his father and the people in their everyday world when he was growing up.

I gained a new appreciation of my neighbor today, and smiled when he told me much like another friend of mine, hates the term “cancer survivor.”  He told me with a smile on his face that he preferred “cancer free at this time.”

Life takes us on many journeys, friends.  Take the time to visit with your neighbors.

Pax

 

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post breast cancer: keeping the faith and being yourself

Posted on December 13, 2011 by carla

One of the things about breast cancer, is it changes who you are irrevocably in a sense, but on the same hand it shouldn’t change who you are.  That sounds like a circle, but women who have had breast cancer know what I mean.   Maybe I should phrase it differently:  who you were pre-cancer, who you are post-cancer.

I have tried to keep me I have always been in the mix, but there were some bits of me I felt falling to the wayside basically because I was just so damn tired.  I still get tired more easily to be honest, but I find bit by bit the fight in me returns.

Before breast cancer, I used to write about all sorts of things. But upon my diagnosis, I became well, a little fixated on one topic: breast cancer.   (I used to write a lot of guest editorials  – almost all of them can be found HERE on Scribd .)

Of course with my columns, my very opinion for some reason had a lightening rod effect on some people.  There is a collective of women where I live that some of my friends and I refer to simply as  “Mean Girls.”  Only they haven’t been girls for a very long time.  Many of them are just frumpy disgruntled hausfraus, truthfully.  And they aren’t so unusual, every community has them.   From the PTA to the grocery store to church, they are there.

Anyway, some on this crew  would go out of their way to confront my friends as to why they were friends with me (yes seriously, an adult woman who has since moved away did this)…they would also write  vile comments underneath my op-ed pieces not about what I wrote half the time, but just pot shots at me personally.   It was really kind of pathetic.  

But the beauty of life as an adult, is you can tune these people out.  Which is what I used to do, because who the hell were they anyway? The answer was nobodies who just couldn’t handle anyone who did not think or act like them.   As a matter of fact, one of their ilk sent me a message through a mutual friend just the other day.  Madam was apparently miffed that she could not see my comments on a Facebook group page:

We are both members of [name removed] group on facebook. I realized recently that I can’t see any of your comments or postings. Perhaps because your facebook account is somehow blocking me from seeing. As it is a community group and you are someone who clearly believes in the free exchange of ideas I wonder if you would be good enough to check your facebook settings and allow me to see your posts and comments in this group?

Thanks

The answer to that is “no.”  The gift of being able to think for myself is that I can choose not to interact/engage with people if I so choose.   I don’t need to discuss ideas with her, nor do I need to have a “free exchange.”  Maybe she feels the compunction to comment on things I write, but wow, lady, go bake some Christmas cookies or something.  And truthfully, I found it kind of ignorant to put a mutual friend in the middle just so she could hopefully have me to argue with or dissect.  Yes, adult women can be more high school than their teenagers.

Anyway as far as writing, I hadn’t found a topic that I could sink my teeth into other than breast cancer for a long time until quite recently.    What was it that made me sit up?  An eminent domain case brewing in a neighboring county.

Next thing you know, an editorial was writing itself:

Published: Tuesday, December 13, 2011

To those of us who live on the increasingly congested Main Line, Chester County when we visit is a little slice of heaven. Actual open space, which is something we really don’t have much of in our part of the world. And horses. I love horses.

Ludwig’s Corner is one of those places we admire, predominantly because if any of us rode horses growing up, or grew up knowing people who rode, chances are we spent a little time at Ludwig’s Corner at a show. Ludwig’s Corner was always just a fun place to go to. And the grounds are also home to dog shows, and other nonprofit events. For decades, Ludwig’s Corner has delighted people from all over no matter what the event. And all those events have fed the local economy quite well over the years.

And now in the season of miracles, at Christmastime, apparently Ludwig’s Corner needs an angel or two to save it from ill laid plans of misguided West Vincent Township supervisors. These supervisors put forth a motion on Nov. 28, which even reached our ears a fair distance away. They announced a taking of the horse show grounds via eminent domain. And for what is this taking? A proposed Disneyland of mixed use that by all accounts I have seen no one in Chester County needs nor wants, that will only destroy the bucolic scenery and create a traffic clogging overly urban nightmare at a country crossroads.
[continue reading by clicking HERE]

Writing this editorial made me feel more like me.   And if any of you out there hate eminent domain as much as I do, keep an eye on the news for stories coming out of West Vincent Township, Chester County, PA on Ludwig’s Corner.

As for the breast cancer of it all, the hot flashes march on, but I have been getting a little more sleep.  I will tell you that yesterday the surgery site (where my lumpectomy was) just throbbed off and on all day.  And another weird thing? My nipples hurt.  (and now the huge thunderbolt will come crashing out of the sky because I used nipples, mean girls,  and eminent domain in the same post!)

I did however, finally manage to get my Christmas cards out the door.  It was a lighter list of addressees this year.  There are some people who either did not know what to say or couldn’t bet bothered when they found out I had breast cancer, and well, some of those folks got dumped off the Christmas card list.  I don’t mean to sound mean about it, but these were people I made time for in my life and was there for them when they had times of crisis.  Truthfully I am following the lead of two of my Karens – no muss no fuss, you just need to cull the herd sometimes.  (my Karens as a collective are some pretty cool women by the way.)

A young friend of mine whose mother is my age and has breast cancer has been on my mind.  We spoke last week and his mom is going through the whole lumpectomy and treatment thing.   He was so cute.  He says to me “what can I do for my mom?”  Seriously, I was hard pressed not to get all choked up.  How wonderful a son is he? 

Life and time march on people.  It has now been six months and twelve days since my surgery (June 1st) and today is exactly three months since I finished my radiation treatments (September 13th).

I hate to say “yay, me”, but today I am going to say “yay, me”.  I think I deserve it.  2011 has 18 days left.  It’s been equal parts the most scary, sad, and wonderful year.   I think I will end the post with a quote from Dr. Suess:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

~Dr. Suess

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celebrating life

Posted on December 11, 2011 by carla

2011 continues to do the December count down, and with all its craziness, there have been many happy events.  This weekend was no exception.

Yesterday evening one of my Karens got married in Mt. Joy, PA.  Surrounded by friends, in a fabulous historic house, it was a wonderful thing to be part of.

I have to tell you the way she did her wedding was perfect – it wasn’t huge. It was festive because she combined it with her Christmas party.  It was pretty, it was intimate, it was relaxed and fun.  My sweet man had a hell of a week that ended with a dog eating a blanket and requiring emergency surgery, so it was really nice after a long week for both up us to get dressed up and go celebrate my friend’s happiness.

At the wedding/Christmas party I caught up with one of the guests whom I had enjoyed meeting before.   Since we both last saw each other she also did a dance with breast cancer.  She looked fabulous.   Like I hate the word warrior (as in warrior in pink for example), she doesn’t like the word survivor…she was so nice to talk to – she’s a writer (sigh, you know that thing I would in my heart of hearts like to be when I grow up.)

This woman had a bit tougher road to hoe than I.  She was HER2 positive, where I was HER2 negative, so although she was an earlier stage than I, the HER2 meant her doctors put her through a course of chemo and she is taking herceptin for a year.  Her hair has come back in and seriously, this is one inspirational woman and mother.

I am continually blown away by the survivors I meet.  Every single one is feisty and cool.

I hope this woman has a joyous Christmas.  She deserves it.

I did realize last night that I still get tired more quickly than I used to.  And I have to conquer the Tamoxifen screws with my sleep thing.  I can deal with hot flashes, but I love to sleep and I don’t dig sleepus interruptus.

Today my moods have been a little up and down, a little emotional.   Some days are just like that.   I shake myself out of it, but it’s hell while it lasts.    This is yet another one of the purported joys of Tamoxifen.

Have I mentioned lately how awesome my sweet man is?   Being loved by him makes all the difference in my world.   And it amuses my friends that there is finally someone who can fluster me.

Anyway….hope everyone is doing well.

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christmas wish…

Posted on December 7, 2011 by carla

I was pondering something today ….and it’s simple.  I have been so blessed by the gifts of love bestowed upon me by my friends and family in 2011 and because of these gifts I got through a bout of breast cancer, different (well I do now have 1 6/8 breasts after all), but very much alive and kicking.

My loved ones near and far got me through this positively and keep me pointed in that direction of positive today.  And it has been a challenge some days.  Breast cancer is not easy peasy, it’s a big deal.

My support system were the people around me and in my life near and far.  I am someone who did not find support groups that fit my needs – what I saw was not for me.  I was neither a warrior or a wallower.  I wanted to get through, live my life and be positive.  I needed something for me and you all rose to the occasion.

You all did that with me and I love you for it.

My  friend Linda from high school organized the fabulous squadron of women known as the “Driving Miss Daisy List.”  Linda knew I could go to most of my appointments alone, but maybe the EMT training in her, or just that amazing mother-side in her said “no” and she got all these people together on my behalf.

As you all know, thanks to the “Driving Miss Daisy List” unlike a lot of women, I faced nothing alone. Every day I opened the door to someone special in my life to get me through – and trust me, I can be a major pain in the ass.

I know what a difference this made in MY life dealing with my case of breast cancer, so I have as one of my Christmas wishes a simple request: friend or stranger, near or far, pay the Driving Miss Daisy List forward.  Make this a breast cancer initiative.  After all, we want to find a cure, but women also just need basic support.

I have readers from all over thanks to this blog and the Pink Sisterhood.  I hope you consider my Christmas Wish to make Driving Miss Daisy List a thing that becomes something special.   A movement of sorts.  Because it was something so very special to me.

To my friends and family and loved ones, the closer it gets to Christmas and the end of the year, the more schmoopy I might get, so please bear with me. It’s just that thanks to all of you I am indeed a breast cancer survivor.

Sending you all light and love on a rainy December day

 

 

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et cetera, et cetera, et cetera

Posted on December 6, 2011 by carla

NBC Nightly News and  reporter Robert Bazell did a report on Oncotype Dx tonight.  Of course, once you have danced even a small dance with breast cancer, Oncotype Dx  is not foreign to you.  If you are like me, you might not know what it is until someone takes the time to explain it to you, but you learn quickly.  Like you learn quickly how good it is to be Her2 negative (I was) and the ABCs of BRCA1 and BRCA2 (can’t afford to pay for at this point in time)

The problem is not awareness of genetic testing like Oncotype Dx with regard to breast cancer, but instead getting the tests paid for.

So it’s great NBC News was promoting this topic and covering the San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium, but let’s be real about this: we as women (and men) want access to as much as we can get our paws on as far as genetic testing, research, treatment, support, and all that when it comes to breast cancer.  The problem is getting insurance companies to approve things and pay for them….or getting this coverage for ladies and gents without insurance.

We as breast cancer gals seems to get more than a lot of women going through other issues, but still, we need access to more.   So if these doctors and the media at this symposium really want to do women out there a solid, they need to use their power to get women access to more benefits and more meaningful healthcare reform. And earlier.  I got lucky because they knew there was a lump – but it took in essence a year and a very caring doctor to push the system to take care of me and I have insurance….and once again I circle back to but for the Grace of God go I and all that.

As a survivor, I have to tell you my largest fear is my insurance company deciding they no longer want to cover me.   I am a breast cancer survivor now, and praise God and knock on wood I will never go down that path again, but I do not know for sure as my life did not come with a Magic 8 or crystal ball.

I can’t see the future, I can only work towards maintaining a healthy one.  Not trying to be depressing, I am merely being realistic.  It’s only been six months since my surgery, so I have a lot of cancerversaries to go before I truly relax.

In the further vein of etcetera this evening it is Christmas soon and look!  I am happy and healthy.  It seems so long ago now and it’s only been a few months since my world turned upside down.  But I am still standing.  Flashing but standing.

Let’s talk about these Tamoxifen induced hot flashes.  They suck.  Feeling like you are on fire from the inside out is really irritating.  I am not flashing with giant beads of sweat running down my body, but I feel, well, hot and like I am glowing.  My sweet man cracks me up with this – when he knows I am flashing he blows on me.  O.k. that sounds weird, but it is actually very funny.

2011 has been probably the craziest year of my life with the highest highs and the lowest lows.  And I am still standing.  And grateful to all of you.  I am still wishing upon stars and turning over glasses for a couple of things, but I am into December and ever so grateful. I will keep paying it forward as best as I can and remain positive.

Love and Life, and Love OF Life  are powerful motivators don’t-cha  know…..

“Love came down at Christmas; love all lovely, love divine; love was born at Christmas, stars and angels gave the sign.”

~ Christina G. Rossetti

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