So I have scheduled my next meet and greet with the radiation oncologist. At that appointment I expect to get my radiation tats and get fitted for the machine and set up my schedule. I am antsy about this and the idea of allllllll those co-pays terrify me….and I have visions of being like a glow in the dark night-light. But I keep reminding myself that it’s just 7 weeks. But then I start 5 years of Tamoxifen and instant menopause just add water. Any of you out there reading who have had to take Tamoxifen? I would like to hear how you find it.
Onto the rest of life.
Without sounding extraordinarily ungracious and hopefully not offending people, sometimes when I hear “I know how you feel” it is akin to nails on a chalk board. Seriously, you really don’t unless you are dealing with a life crowded by breast cancer.
Other things? I am really sensitive to smoke in confined spaces now, so please be so kind as to refrain from that. And along those lines, I am incredibly heat sensitive now for some reason, so pardon me if I don’t find it delightful to be outside of air-conditioning except in the cool of the early morning and after the sun has gone down. I think this goes with the whole “I feel like I smell thing” – which incidentally is improving. And of course I know the next seven weeks are going to suck big time since I am supposedly banned from deodorant during radiation. I think the doc and I will have to have a chat about that since I am not crystal clear if this is what is medically necessary, or what she prefers.
My weight is down because I am back to walking, although not as far as I was pre-surgery. I find I still sort of tire easily.
Post-surgery I still find myself oddly emotional at times and a big thank you for putting up with me goes to that sweet man in my life. I don’t refer to him or our relationship often on this blog because it feels oddly personal, which may be utterly ridiculous since I am sharing my journey with breast cancer with all of you. But seriously, this guy is nothing short of amazing and I am so damn lucky and happy to have him in my life and to be building something with him. It is so awesome to be in a real relationship not with a human version of a push-me/pull-you.
Work continues to be liking poking needles in my eyes, this week’s latest thing is although I am a professional woman, Simon Legree has decided that employees are to do weekly time cards. I asked if I was working in McDonald’s. It continues to be a wonderful impetus to get the hell away as this is just the latest to try to create fearful and submissive employees. He’s barking up the wrong tree with me – I have had to face the C word (i.e. breast cancer), so it’s all uphill from there.
I still am amused at the thunderous silence which continues to surround the post I wrote about wanting new work opportunities and not to be a little bitch about it, but there are quite a few of you out there whom I have helped over the years, and even some non-profits who have milked this cow for free. Here’s the 411: when I helped you I did it because it was the right thing to do. Here’s hoping you decide to pay it forward like I did.
I have started taking photos again, I mentioned that. I will resume seconding a professional photographer here and there at the end of the month and am quite excited, and have decided to once again be an exhibiting photographer for August’s First Friday Main Line . Artistically I am going to take more of a chance and go for the funky. And the pieces will be available for sale – I have co-pays to think of for the next 7 weeks, after all.
Life has been a challenge of late, but I am getting through. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Maybe I am just stubborn, eh?