I will update the post once the article is available online. I am doing my part for breast cancer awareness month and it doesn’t involve pink plastic bracelets.
Blogging Through Breast Cancer is on second page of this special section.
Yes, as I write, I am indeed in tears. I am fine, don’t worry, I just have been touched by the amazing women being honored by Living Beyond Breast Cancer.
It is women like this who inspire me, and women like this even if I did not know them personally who buoyed me through my surgery and treatment.
I actually do know one of these women a little bit. And I had no idea. Her name is Marni Manko. She is one of those women I just liked immediately when I met her.
How I met her and her husband was funny. She was Editor of this magazine called Main Line Magazine and it was 2009. She plunked me on their top 100 list for being their favorite blogger that year. Her husband is the son of a politician who still can’t be in the same room with me without his blood 
pressure going up. I think Marni and her husband are both terrific. And I still have the blogging award laminated plaque thing. For those of you who know me off blog, here is the text of what they said (because it IS amusing to me still):
5
Not only does outspoken Save Ardmore blogger Carla crack us up with her musings on all things Main Line, but watching her throw down over billboards—while a hundred not-so-staid Main Liners cheered their support—was the best time we had since we saw that catfight at the Lilly warehouse sale.
So anyway, we all have lives outside and inside of lives and I never knew she was one of those brave BRCA women who took preventative measures against breast cancer, or that she lost her mother to the disease. But she is. And the reverse is true – she never knew about me either. Both of us have been open about these journeys, but it is just once again the weird truism about breast cancer: you never know who it is going to touch or how.
I hope you enjoy the video. I think it is totally inspirational and all of those ladies just rock out loud. It is inspirational to me just like the ladies of the Pink Moon Lovelies who are in my friend Nicki’s book with me The Pink Moon Lovelies: Empowering Stories of Survival
Thank you to the ladies being honored by LBBC for making a difference. Thank you for giving meaning to Breast Cancer Awareness Month and bringing it back past the pink plastic baubles to what is real and true.
Brava
And remember, there but for the grace of God go ANY of us.
Pinktober is here. All hail badly tinted food , food products, booze, you name it. Heck even Manolo Blahnik has designed special pink shoes – I cannot make this stuff up click here. I will no longer drool over Manolos. I am just that offended they are pandering to pink marketing.
I find a lot of #Pinktober in reality to be offensive. The Manolos are offensive excess and if you are shoe aficionado, wow talk about re-treads on design. They aren’t even so special for what they cost. Just expensive. There are also Pink Wheat Thins boxes, pink KFC containers, HardRock Café marketing stunts, pink booze bottles, and lest we all forget pink rubber bracelets.
And that is but the tip of the pink iceberg. Umbrellas, tacky plastic cups, nail polish, re-packaged pink lipstick, more t-shirts than you can stock a cotton mill with – if a manufacturer or business can think it up, they sell it. In pink.
I forgot to mention designer Marc Jacobs? He is regurgitating a perfume and now it will be Daisy “Hot Pink” . It costs $79.00 and $3.00 off each bottle (or basically nothing) will be donated to charity. “Net” not gross proceeds.
And people snap up these products thinking that they are doing a world of good and donating money to the cause and in reality? You are lucky if 20% of every purchase actually goes towards breast cancer research or charities. And if you purchase the items on SALE after #Pinktober? HA! More likely than not no charity will ever see a cent of your purchase.
I don’t hate women. I am a breast cancer survivor. But I do not need to buy pink crap to help define me. I hate people trying to take advantage of how other people feel about a disease to boost their bottom lines in the last quarter of the year.
If you are feeling pinktriotic (what else do you call it?), make a donation directly to a breast cancer charity you believe in.
Personally I recommend thoroughly checking a charity out first. Guidestar can help, Googling about them can help. Komen I was done with when they played games a couple years back but I still love Living Beyond Breast Cancer and breastcancer.org .
Buying a box of Wheat Thins colored pink for October , or buying Marc Jacobs re-branded perfume, or spending close to $1000 on a pair of pink Manolos is not going do anything real for breast cancer. But supporting actual charities and legitimate research will.
Pink diatribe over.
Someone asked me today about why I have a breast cancer blog and how it has helped me stay positive and get through all the fun associated with breast cancer. (No breast cancer is not fun, but I wanted a word other than “stuff”.)
Writing a breast cancer experience blog is like journaling to an extent. Journaling is a powerful tool. It helps you get things out and free yourself from them.
However, staying positive while fighting breast cancer is a personal choice that stems far beyond a mere blog. That I feel is a life choice. Do I want to live or die? Do I want to thrive or exist? I wanted to live and thrive.
I started my blog to help people not feel so alone. Getting a breast cancer diagnosis is a very alone feeling. Millions of people get cancer diagnoses, but when it happens to you it makes you feel small, isolated, and alone. You can either let those feelings swallow you up or you can work to defeat them. I like to write, so this blog became a tool in my toolbox.
I also started my blog so people in my life knew how I was doing during treatment. It can be exhausting telling people over and over about this.
What happened that floored me when I started this blog is I connected with so many amazing people and continue to do so today.
I chose how I was going to face this disease and stuck to it. I chose to be positive and realistic. Being positive is healthy. Am I positive every day? No, and I have had my down days. But the down days have not swallowed me up. I won’t allow it in the long run. Wallowing gets old…fast.
Life is too short for pity parties. I see lots of pity parties around me every now and again. Not saying that to be mean, but I think some people use the drama in life to keep going and don’t count the blessings they are given. I look at some and their drama and think to myself “wow what if they had to go through chemo, radiation, and a partial or full mastectomy?” And yes, that is how I measure things now. It really puts things into perspective.
I survived breast cancer. That is a HUGE blessing and a HUGE positive. It is like getting a second chance at life.
Carpe diem. Time waits for no man or no woman, so might as well live life as positively as possible, right?
And now a word from our blogger.
I do not have all the answers. I write about my life experience with breast cancer and as a survivor. a great deal of what I write is opinion, capice? As in my opinion, my thoughts. You can like or leave my opinions, your choice. I always answer honestly to the best of my ability.
Today someone left me a comment on a Tamoxifen post about their “niece”. Apparently this woman lost her job, is going through a divorce, and either isn’t eligible for COBRA health benefits or can’t afford them. So this “aunt” asked me what should she do because she takes Tamoxifen.
So I said (at first) a lot of people can get COBRA. Which is true. I also said a lot of states offer benefits or access to assistance (which is true). I also suggested a couple of non-profits that I see giving grants or stipends or whatever you call it to BC people . I also suggested that this woman tell her “niece” to go to her doctors and ask them – I know darn well that many doctors will try to help steer them towards sources for aid so that patients stay on meds. Or of course this woman could check pharmaceutical companies that produce Tamoxifen to see who has what kind of a reduced cost availability, etc. I also did say that this “niece” had to learn to be her own advocate. That is entirely true.
But no……this woman did not like anything I had to say. I am guessing I was supposed to have all the answers, or get out my checkbook?
I am full on Tamoxifen cranky in the mood department today, but you know what? I don’t need this crap.
I wish I had all the answers, but I don’t. What I do know is I cannot be all things to all people. Nor should I be expected to be as such.
When I get comments like this woman it is offensive enough to make me want to make this blog go dark.
Thanks for listening to Ms. Cranky Pants!
Nothing stirs a debate more amongst breast cancer previvors and survivors more than what to do with the “girls”. It is a truly boobylicious debate.
Do you wear your chest flat and proud, lopsided and loving it (that would be me although some days I don’t love it so much), or proud reconstructed glory?
And then of course there is always the sub-debate which goes on between previvors who popped on some genetic test and decided to have a preventative mastectomy (or they did it plain and simple because of an overwhelming familial history of breast cancer) and us survivors who have actually had and been treated for the disease known as breast cancer.
Some women show their scars proudly, some hide that they even ever had the disease. There is no right or wrong, it is personal choice and our individual bodies. I know some women who have gotten all sorts of tattoos involving breast cancer, I even remember reading the blog of a woman who did beautiful temporary henna tattoo art on her head while she was bald during chemotherapy.
So this woman Melissa who is on a BC board with me decided to do her own personal SCAR Project and had Rebellious Tony Ink Couture of Staten Island (that’s a mouthful LOL) tattoo a perfect black bra on her reconstructed breasts. It’s not for everyone, but it sure seems to have stirred debate.
Look, it is her body, her choice. She is choosing not to hide, but instead to celebrate. She also likes tattoos and wanted to further express herself and her femininity and her strength. I say good for her for doing something for herself. File this under You Go Girl!
Melissa wrote to me when I asked if I could share her story:
My back story is I was diagnosed at the age of 34. I had just delivered twins 7 months before my diagnosis, I lost my daughter and my son survived. Thinking I has just had a baby they assumed I was estrogen positive. No, I am triple negative with 3 lymph nodes positive. I never wanted fake tattooed nipples as cancer had taken mine so I waited 7 years to decide what I wanted. I have not worn a bra so I thought I want a black lace bra, nothing like that to make you feel sexy. So I found an artist from NYC and I got a bra. I would love for you to share it and I don’t mind you using my name. Much love ❤ Melissa
Me? I can appreciate tattoo art, but you won’t see me getting them because I just don’t dig needles. As for lop-sided boobies? Well what is important to me is that I am alive. Plastic surgery is also not for me.
But my personal choices with regards to life as a breast cancer survivor are not ones I will foist on others, and I think Melissa did a cool thing. I am sharing the photo. If I find that people are just taking it to put on fake websites and whatnot, I will remove it.
I am also going to get on my soapbox for a minute – I think it is prudent to point out that we of the breast cancer sisterhood are a very diverse group: different races, ethnicities, from literally all over the globe. Some of us are survivors, some of us are just beginning the journey, and some of us are BRCA positive previvors.
Some of us have had partial mastectomies to remove tumors. Some of us have had full and double mastectomies to either remove tumors or as a preventative measure. We all handle it differently, and I think we need to put aside the visceral reaction to scars and see the beauty in survival.
We all handle our journey differently, and it is not my place to judge. I will say however, that have noticed a lot of people being hard on others in the sisterhood for whatever reason. And I will expand on that thought by saying that I think a lot of cases people don’t realize they’re being hard on others.
When you are on the journey of breast cancer, and whatever path that journey takes you, it is nearly impossible to be positive and happy every day. That is just reality. But as a wise friend told me when I was beginning my journey, some days you need to have those down times so you can climb out on the other side of the mountain and regain your positivity.
Life is not a sappy Hallmark card, but I do think some days as survivors and previvors we should learn to be kinder to one and other.
I don’t often throw a Bible verse up anywhere but I am
doing so today.
Luke 6:37:
“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;
waiting for the jitney. the hamptons, summer 2013
Two weeks ago I began my next round of check-ups. Once you have had a breast cancer diagnosis and received treatment, you do have to be diligent with your health. After all if you aren’t going to treat yourself well, who will?
Anyway, as is the norm for now, I am still anxious the night before any test or doctor’s appointment. I can’t wait for the day when the anxiety I never had prior to breast cancer disappears.
Fortunately for me, everything is fine in my world. I am one of the lucky ones. I have had two friends who have had recurrences in the past few months, so I know I am blessed.
But I am to experience more medical changes. One of my doctors, dare I say my favorite doctor, is leaving the area. She is going to New York. She is going to Cornell/New York Presbyterian and aren’t they lucky to get her. Her career star will shine even brighter I am sure!
I managed to retain my composure while she was telling me her news, but when I got out to the parking lot after my appointment I sat in my car and cried like a baby for a couple of minutes. I know people must have thought I received a horrible diagnosis or something, but change although a part of life is sometimes not easy.
I am thrilled for her happiness and good fortune, but sad for me. She has been my doctor for a long time and seen me through a lot, including breast cancer. It was her gentle pushing that got me the testing I needed to correctly diagnose my breast cancer.
More in the change category – my friend Melinda has finished chemo and soon will begin radiation. I am so proud and in awe of her. She is so positive and moving forward.
My life with my sweet man also continues forward. I am so grateful that our life paths led us to each other. I can’t even articulate how I love him and our life. My life could have been so different (and almost was), and my life with him is so happy. We have been in our new home a few months now and I love it! I have a huge garden and have filled a lot of summer days digging in the dirt. I know what it is to be truly loved. And appreciated and respected.
My life in Chester County continues to evolve and I continue to meet really nice people. Some of my friends venture out from where I used to live (the Main Line of Philadelphia) to go exploring with me, but in some cases I am just letting some people go slowly.
Sadly, there are some people with whom I used to speak every single day who have done the whole out of sight out of mind thing to such an extent that I am just moving on. Everyone has busy lives, but face it in this era of modern communication even if you are busy and don’t have time for a chat it takes two seconds to check in. I have come to the realization with some that as long as I was conveniently located and a devoted audience all was good. Not saying that to be mean, but with some people, they just can make that effort and hell, I am two old for any more one-sided relationships.
I was fortunate to be in one area I liked so much for so long, but sometimes the commonality you have with people just dies when you move. It’s life, and life is about change and evolution and how you handle and embrace both. I chose to be forward-looking, forward-thinking and positive. If those people want to come check out where I am now and how my life is, I will welcome them. If not, it was nice knowing them when I did.
Maybe if I was a purely self-focused to the point of selfish kind of person I would not even think about these things, but I do. And it is hard when you have to realize and accept that some people were only destined to be short-term players in your life show.
One amusing thing that happened recently that I would like to share. I wrote something that was locally controversial. I received a flurry of comments and criticisms and I quipped to someone off blog at one point that I had survived breast cancer, that this too shall pass. (Or something to that effect.) The response?
Why do you always bring up cancer? I survived invasive and aggressive breast, colon and melanoma cancers…so what?
So I did not know we were playing a game of cancer one-upmanship, but I kind of admire this person for being so strong. And they live their life to the fullest and without regrets.
However, that being said, I don’t “always” bring up cancer. It is however, part of my everyday world now that I have had it and lost people I cared about to it. It is also the hardest thing I have ever gone through personally in 49 years on this planet. So like it or not, I gauge things at times by having survived breast cancer.
That is the funny thing about women who have had breast cancer. There are a million attitudes about it positive and negative. Some people like to pretend it never existed as if that acknowledgement takes away its power. Personally? I feel being positive and being able to talk and joke about it takes away its power. I don’t discuss it with every person I meet, but it is now part of who I am and my life experiences. So I don’t hide it. I also don’t mention it for the sympathy vote. I am proud I dealt with it and came through the other side relatively unscathed. I think that is a huge accomplishment.
And I guess still the best advice I can give someone facing this as a newbie other than knowledge is power and be your own best advocate is to be open and be positive about it. If other people are uncomfortable about your discussing it, that is their issue as far as I am concerned. Brewing and stewing only creates stress. Stress aids cancer, so remove the stress.
The other thing is accept that you can and should make life changes. I have made quite a few, and it includes being lucky enough to get out of the Financial Services Industry that although at times was quite exciting and fun, was always incredibly stressful. Other changes? I have never been known for being shy but when people are ridiculous now to me, I feel free to tell them how I feel and then walk away. I am my own power.
In a sense, having breast cancer freed me for the life I wanted to have. So at the end of the day: life is short. Carpe diem.
So my friend Melinda is going thru treatment, which includes chemotherapy. At the end of June when the fun and frolic with chemicals really kicked in she posted a photo of her “new ‘do” with the following comment:
Here I Is!!! Bald! There I was, head of full hair, wedding day. Big change!!! Hopefully, the hair will grow in nice and dark so that I don’t have to dye it blond to cover the greys. Oh well. Who ever doesn’t like it can kiss it. LOL!
She channelled her inner Geralyn Lucas and found a fabulous shade of pink to go with her chemo fashion.
As a breast cancer survivor, I am very proud of her for her positive attitude and amazing resilience. Some of you might not get that but I think she’s rocking it.
You go girl!
Recently my friend Gwen, another refugee from Camp Breast Cancer celebrated a one year anniversary of being done with treatment.
Gwen is one of those awesome women you can go to for a dose of positive and a reality check because I just so appreciate her ability to tell it like it is (well she is a writer!)
So Gwen, this post is for you too!
You go girl!
So people out there how do you measure brave? I measure brave in part by the fabulous 
women I know who are refugees from Camp Breast Cancer.
Today is also a day that I ask you to pause and remember those who have gone before us. It is not a cause to be sad, it is a reason to celebrate for they shared their joy with us. In that vein I send a little shout out to my friend Nicki for her beautiful tribute to her friends Linda and May today.
There is only so much in life we can control, and we have to be grateful for the gifts we are given. Easier said than done given the dynamic of the glass half full versus half empty. And that is a struggle we all experience on occasion if we are honest with ourselves.
I am going to close this brief post to let you all know I am well. I am happy, and healthy, and blessed. I have been gardening like a fiend as well!
Believe in yourselves. The rest will follow.
Pax
Well now that the oncologist and surgeon follow-ups are complete I can stand on my tippy toes and fist pump the air in joy.
It is officially very official.
Two years.
Breast cancer free.
What a long strange trip it’s been.
Yippee-ka-yay!
And oh yeah, I started a website for my photography too:
Simple Shots Photography: The Magic of Ordinary Days (and you can also like the page on Facebook!)
Life is not good, it’s terrific!
Prayers and thoughts of positive healing everything are in order for my friend Melinda. She started chemo and then she has radiation. I also have another friend who is a little more private who has had a hiccup in the form of a recurrence of sorts. Give these ladies the Irish Insurance they deserve. Pray it up people!
My only pink-ish photo right now is the Got Pole pole dancing place off South Street in Philadelphia. LOL
I don’t like taking Tamoxifen but I do.
Why?
The alternative is unacceptable to me.
Anyway, I was interviewed recently for an article for Living Beyond Breast Cancer’s newsletter and I will embed it here so people can read it if they so choose.
This week another woman I know joined the breast cancer club. Soon she starts radiation. She is calm and positive which I love to see. Someone else I know had their surgery earlier this week, so the cycle keeps on going.
And as Angelina Jolie said earlier this week:
Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of.
ihavebreastcancerblog 