unveiling it all…

Well  I made it through the night.  I am one of those people who can’t completely relax on pain meds, but I definitely need them.  Everything hurts.  I slept sort of but I know I need more sleep.  It’s amazing how much calmer I feel this morning with the surgery out of the way.

This morning my sweet man helped me unravel the great mystery of the bandages.  And they were chafing. 

Unwrapping me was an incredibly intimate and somewhat indescribable thing.  His hands are strong and gentle and oddly enough, sharing that with someone made it less of something to fear looking at and just another step in this process.  I would tell any woman going through this to NOT do it by themselves.  Do this with someone, and do look in the mirror.  That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.  Truly.  The sooner we face it, the better it is.  I know some women are immediately zero to sixty in the “oh my god I am not perfect anymore” of it all.  Well I never was perfect, and you know what?  After this experience, I am surprisingly o.k. with it, so I feel sorry for them.

The big news is yes the nipple is still there.  The  stitches are incredibly neat and tidy and knock on wood everything looks good and not messed up swollen.  I had a giggle because as I was unwrapped for the great unveiling there were the initials of my surgeon on my boob.  I had forgotten she did that and why.  I remember saying when she did it that it was a new spin on sign my cast.  Did I tell you my surgeon had the perfect set of a triple strand of pearls on yesterday with her surgical gear? And those Dansko leopard print patent clogs I love?   My surgeon is a cool woman, and like my ob/gyn always has great shoes.  (Come on now… great shoes are important LOL)

I don’t have a fever knock on wood (yep gonna get bruised knuckles today LOL) but I am wiped out.  I don’t think I have ever been so tired.  People keep calling and e-mailing and I get to who I can, and who I can’t get to need to just understand that I am beat.  I have to go to ground to heal.

Back to the breast.  It looks a little deflated but I am so happy that shit is out of my body.  Now I just hope the lymph nodes and margins are truly clean…come on pathology!

I am so blessed I have such a great support system.  Thank you all for being my rocks.

I think the word of the day is serene.  I feel calm…

About carla

Writer, blogger, photographer, breast cancer survivor. I write about whatever strikes my fancy as I meander through life.
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3 Responses to unveiling it all…

  1. dropjohn says:

    fingers crossed for clean nodes and margins!

  2. dropjohn says:

    BTW, your breast will probably change a great deal as it heals – what you see is NOT what you’ll get. Mine has already changed significantly in the three weeks since surgery, and I expect it will keep doing so the next year or two.

    Don’t push the river with healing – I kinda think that may have contributed to my seroma and all the rest of the associated nerve pain; I felt as though I was healing really really well, and I pushed a bit more than I should have. Not enough that it hurt, or enough to give me any warning signs at the time – but if I was doing it over (pray gods, never), I’d take it easier.

  3. dropjohn says:

    As a last note – and please don’t unmoderate this, I’d send it to you as a private message if I only knew how – I’ve been taking photos all along, so I could track the changes. Your mileage may vary, but it’s what I’ve looked like, if you’re curious: http://ipromisenottoflinch.wordpress.com/

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