Well I made it through the night. I am one of those people who can’t completely relax on pain meds, but I definitely need them. Everything hurts. I slept sort of but I know I need more sleep. It’s amazing how much calmer I feel this morning with the surgery out of the way.
This morning my sweet man helped me unravel the great mystery of the bandages. And they were chafing.
Unwrapping me was an incredibly intimate and somewhat indescribable thing. His hands are strong and gentle and oddly enough, sharing that with someone made it less of something to fear looking at and just another step in this process. I would tell any woman going through this to NOT do it by themselves. Do this with someone, and do look in the mirror. That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Truly. The sooner we face it, the better it is. I know some women are immediately zero to sixty in the “oh my god I am not perfect anymore” of it all. Well I never was perfect, and you know what? After this experience, I am surprisingly o.k. with it, so I feel sorry for them.
The big news is yes the nipple is still there. The stitches are incredibly neat and tidy and knock on wood everything looks good and not messed up swollen. I had a giggle because as I was unwrapped for the great unveiling there were the initials of my surgeon on my boob. I had forgotten she did that and why. I remember saying when she did it that it was a new spin on sign my cast. Did I tell you my surgeon had the perfect set of a triple strand of pearls on yesterday with her surgical gear? And those Dansko leopard print patent clogs I love? My surgeon is a cool woman, and like my ob/gyn always has great shoes. (Come on now… great shoes are important LOL)
I don’t have a fever knock on wood (yep gonna get bruised knuckles today LOL) but I am wiped out. I don’t think I have ever been so tired. People keep calling and e-mailing and I get to who I can, and who I can’t get to need to just understand that I am beat. I have to go to ground to heal.
Back to the breast. It looks a little deflated but I am so happy that shit is out of my body. Now I just hope the lymph nodes and margins are truly clean…come on pathology!
I am so blessed I have such a great support system. Thank you all for being my rocks.
I think the word of the day is serene. I feel calm…