hating bras and some general bitching.

One of the things that I hate the most post breast cancer is finding freaking bras that fit. I did not have breast reconstruction surgery, so I’m lopsided.

And as the years go by and the breast tissue adjusts and settles I get more lopsided.

I can’t wear an underwire bra as they hurt. One breast is one cup size and the other breast is about half of a cup size smaller. Tamoxifen has made me plus size and it’s just hard all the way around to find bras that fit.

I have tried expensive bras, moderately priced bras and cheap bras. Ironically, the ones that fit the best for the most part are the most inexpensive.

I don’t regret not having breast reconstruction, plastic surgery is not my gig, but I just wish someone could design a bra for us that fit. It shouldn’t be “well if you got your breasts fixed then you could wear bras again.”

Thanks no, I choose not to have flotation devices surgically attached to my body. Why can’t bra manufacturers make better bras?

Lately I have also been going through one of my fighting with my own self-image stages. I don’t feel attractive, I don’t feel pretty. It happens. And it generally happens when my sleep has been off, and it has. I am sleeping much better than when I first went on Tamoxifen and before my subsequent hysterectomy, but sometimes there are just times when sleeping sucks.

And I am also going through a phase where I have a lot of joint pain. It’s not Lyme disease, if I had to be honest I would say there is probably a little bit of arthritis mixed in with the Tamoxifen joint pain.

Almost 8 years post breast cancer and I am doing very well for the most part. I’m alive for starters. And I have a good quality of life. But sometimes I am just tired. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, because I’m not. My life is full of blessings.

I wrote an article today about gardening and how gardening teaches you patience if you let it. Patience is a virtue I sometimes have in very short supply.

When I first started this blog eight years ago I promised I would be honest with my readers. So all along this journey I have showed you the good the bad and the ugly. Maybe some of you think it’s ridiculous that I am bitching about bras not fitting, but it is just one of those things. And today is one of those days where I think Quasimodo would have an easier time getting a bra fitted for him as the hunchback of Notre Dame, versus me as a breast cancer survivor.

I’m also getting a little people weary. What I think I need to do, but I know I don’t like to do is search for a little more “me time”. I don’t like doing that because it feels selfish. But sometimes you just have to do what is best for you. I can’t be all things to all people. And that is a very female thing. We are all supposed to be Wonder Woman on this bus, only we’re human.

Thanks for stopping by.

About carla

Writer, blogger, photographer, breast cancer survivor. I write about whatever strikes my fancy as I meander through life.
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1 Response to hating bras and some general bitching.

  1. Tina McQ says:

    April, spring and the change of seasonal wardrobe have a similar effect on me, Carla. April was the month of my bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction, and three years later another surgery to completely undo the recon. I’d been in chronic pain for 2 1/2 yrs as an implant poked through and slowly ripped the muscle. Was glad to let those things go, but the process did a number on me. It’s been a long, hard road back, and the name of the game has been self care. I don’t/can’t do the things I used to (a big thanks also to chest/arm/hand lymphedema) but have for the most part reached a level of acceptance. But I get off my game easily by overdoing for others or trying to be the person I used to be (for others sometimes, but usually because I miss that part of myself). It doesn’t take much, and difficulty sleeping really messes with my mood. But it IS good to be alive and healthy — and cooking and creative pursuits make all the difference in the quality of life. And gardening, which I wish I could do more of. I hear you about bras … and for what it’s worth, maybe take a little comfort in knowing that reconstructed breasts (implants anyway, with their hamburger bun shape) aren’t easy to fit with a bra. There are people who make custom bras, and it’s something I’d considered doing, as they weren’t pricier than high end bras. Anyway, I feel your temporary insecurity about appearance, frustration over bras, low tolerance of people, occasional dips in mood and energy. It’s all so normal, at least around here. “Me time” is a good thing. Big hugs to you as you move through this season. – Tina

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