I *love* this post and am re-posting this morning. What my blogging Texan at Pink Underbelly said is sooo true. So while not side-stepping the blog challenge, I will not be adding much, as ironically you have been getting a bit of this in some of my recent posts.
Thus far in my recovery only a handful of days out from my cancerversary, I have been blessed. I am lucky and I am deeply appreciative of that.
But yet….in the still of a moment, the dark of night, you know as a survivor that our days on earth are limited and we are forever living with the specter of the big C like it or not….indeed “gone but not forgotten”.
As for who have I been? Wow, several women rolled into one. The determined one – pushing myself through the surgery and radiation. The tired one who ran out of steam post treatment. The one with an awakened sense of self who realized money or no money, her job was a toxic wasteland and resigned.
Then there is the step mother in training learning to speak 12. The domestic goddess and wife in training reveling in that role for the first time. There is also the seeker who seeks life’s next new opportunities and decided to carpe diem. The economy is crappy, so you know what? In addition to sending out resumes, I am looking at what I can do with my own two hands. (Which is actually taking the advice of a friend who told me to put this out there years ago.)
Then, interestingly enough, there is just the woman I was long ago before my sweet man and before a bad relationship which was the wrong relationship. That woman is exploring life again. However, with that comes the realization that with my new life, like it or not, people are going to fall off my life train – I am indeed different while being the same, and my life is very different and so is how my time is spent. I have my own family unit for the first time.
So pinkunderbelly and jelebelle, I do not know if that answers it sufficiently or if I have done pinkunderbelly’s beautifully sewn together words justice, but there we have it…. I guess post breast cancer I am a new gal/old gal; a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. And since this journey began I have met some amazing people.
I am just me….and grateful to be here to respond to the inspiration of pinkunderbelly.
Pax my lovelies, pax.
Never one to resist a challenge, I happily undertook Jelebelle’s blog prompt this week, which was inspired by Renn’s blog prompt last week. Jelebelle took Renn’s idea and ran with it, challenging us to “post a photo or self portrait or other form of visual art … of yourself that describes who you have been within the last six months.”
I’m especially intrigued by the “who you have been within the last six months” part. Some days I feel a little Sybil-ish, with many different versions of me. There’s the warrior girl who pummeled breast cancer, the tough-lovin’-but soft-on-the-inside mama, the relentless chaser of the next level of strength in the gym, the hard-core-run-down-every-single-ball tennis chick, the at-home mom who respects the commitment to domesticity while being bored silly by it, the bookworm who can’t dive into the latest good read until the kitchen is spotless, the…
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Thanks for sharing. It is true – with or without the Big C, there is no guarantee for any of us, is there? My neighbor is currently undergoing cancer treatment, and I often think of her and of course have been praying for her recovery, but then it occurs to me, we are all going to be gone eventually – as you say. It definitely makes you re-evaluate and think about how you live and how you will be remembered.