transitions

It is hard to believe that in just a handful of days it will be June 1st and I will be a year out cancer free.  I am looking forward to that first official cancerversary.

Life continues to transition and already since I have moved, it’s a bit out of sight out of mind with some of the people who were fairly regularly in my life.   But I knew that would happen.  People get busy and go on with their lives.  And I am not around the corner any longer so to speak.

As part of that transition, I am also finding I am hearing less from some of the people who call or called the ex-factor family and some others in my life.   Part of that is I am sure on me because I have been like Alice down the rabbit hole in another world packing, unpacking, starting again.  And I am sorry for that. 

But I do not think that is so unusual, is it?  I never wanted to be one of those women who disappeared when they had a new relationship, but maybe I landed there by accident.  I have been nesting, yes, and I am sorry…but on the other hand I am also not sorry.  Life is so much better for me than it was, and it is not like I am not appreciative of those who got me through, but I find myself adjusting and savoring at the same time. And I think after the past couple of years I earned some nesting/savoring time.

So now I am coming up for air, and people will either understand…or not.  I have come to the conclusion, to an extent it’s on them and beyond my control.   You know who you are, and I am sorry, o.k.?

Saw some friends from high school this past weekend when a friend was honored with an honorary doctorate in Philadelphia at Holy Family College.  That friend is Robb Armstrong, who is known to most people as the cartoonist behind the nationally syndicated strip, Jump Start. But to me? He’s one of my favorite people from high school.  And his wife Crystal is equally awesome.  After that, I went to a BBQ hosted by some people I have met since I began my transition to Chester County.  It was an awesome weekend.

Forgot to mention that a few weeks ago I went with my sweet man to his high school reunion.  It was held at the loveliest of houses and I saw some people from his class I was very fond of.  But the party was very different from my class’s reunion.

When my class gets together it is always a happy jumble of spouses, significant others, kids, and even people from other classes we just like and teachers.  My class is the casual, wear jeans and hang bunch.   My sweet man’s class was dressed to impress and a lot of the ladies (and gentlemen) looked terrific….but it seems a lot of them also came solo.

When I first got there, I swear some people (not the hostess who is very nice)  had this look on their face of “What is she doing here?  Is she crashing?”  It was pretty funny.  Then there was the whole oh-you-two-are-together thing like happened in reverse at my reunion a year ago.  Then there was the person who asked me if he was good in bed, because (they said), there is nothing worse than bad sex. A definite OMG moment and I am hardly a prude, but I was definitely at a loss for words when asked that question.  The person meant no harm, but it just was one of those moments.   Boy did my face turn red. It was actually in the end, pretty funny.

Then there was the woman whom I always thought I was friendly with who was rather rude to me.  I realize she had a lot of guests as she was one of the people on the reunion committee, but it was like it was an effort to say hello to me.  Face it, when people look down their nose at you, you know it.  But at reunions you find that, and whatever, I was pleasant.  I learned long ago that you can’t be responsible when someone is just being a little bit miserable.   Just like you can’t help but be amused by the women who knew exactly who you were but who looked right at you and through you.

But we don’t know with any of these people what their life has been like.   I mean look at mine?  My whole breast cancer experience could have left me a very negative person.  I am human, I have those traits.  In the end I feel sorry for those people who can’t relax and enjoy seeing old classmates, that it has to be more of a high school to middle-aged popularity contest and who has done what with their life and who makes how much money.

And now there is the continual recognizing of fellow survivors.  It is like once you have been touched by breast cancer, you recognize others who have.  It is really weird. Met another survivor last week.  A remarkable woman.

So here I am, almost a year later.  In a few days I will be exactly a year later.

What a long strange trip it has been.  Thank you to all who have been my support.  I do love all of you, and again, if I haven’t been attentive enough, I am sorry.  Adjusting to a new life, although very positive and very happy, does require some adjustment.

Looking forward to more almost cancerversaries and the end of hot flashes from Tamoxifen.  Yes, the Tamoxifen flashing has been a real bear the past couple of weeks.

 

 

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About carla

Writer, blogger, photographer, breast cancer survivor. I write about whatever strikes my fancy as I meander through life.
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One Response to transitions

  1. When do those Tamoxifen-induced hot flashes end, exactly?? After two years, I’m still burning up!

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