mixed emotions.

Today’s the day.  Today is the last day of radiation, and I am definitely once again a mixed salad of breast cancer emotions.

I feel…odd.  It’s been such a long seven weeks and I am in pain right now with the skin stuff and the fatigue is so intense at times I just want to cry.

Yet today is a milestone in treatment, so what the hell is my problem?

As a breast cancer survivor am I feeling my own mortality as grim as that sounds? Because face it, you get breast cancer, and no matter how positive you are, you face that hurdle.

Next is five years of tamoxifen.

Today I am just so over the breast cancer of it all.  And I am ridiculously sensitive.  Case in point: I sent someone a note about a local issue – those who know me also know I do a bit of community activism things every now and again.  Anyway, I had contacted this person about something and was trying to be helpful.  What I got back was to not try to save the world, but to concentrate on my recovery.

Now I know that was well-intentioned because the person does not have a mean bone in their body.  But still, it hurt.  Why it hurt is simple – when I was contacting them I felt well normal for the first time in a while – like me  – all this breast cancer stuff was out of my head,  temporarily.

I am obviously going to be a silly puddle today.

Please bear with me.

Until later.

 

 

 

 

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About carla

Writer, blogger, photographer, breast cancer survivor. I write about whatever strikes my fancy as I meander through life.
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