31 one down only 4 more to go…

Another one done.  Went back to original radiation machine today as the spanking new TrueBeam wasn’t working right or something—which has to drive the hospital crazy since they just put it in, but hey things with computers in them are after all, things with computers in them.

I am tired, red,sore, itchy, tired, red, sore, itchy, more tired.  I am so tired I did not sleep right last night either and I hate, hate, hate that.  I did manage to work all day besides and now I could just fall over I am so beat.  And my left nipple hurts like a mother you know what – and it is a very odd shade of dark brown.

I feel fried and fricasseed.  I am so tired I just accidentally deleted part of this post.

I am also crabby because someone who could damn well afford to pay me to promote some of their business activities asked me again to in essence promote  stuff for free.  I am not Bessie the Freebie Cow, after all.  Their time is money and valuable?  So is mine. Besides I have breast cancer treatment to pay for.

Switching gears and back to the boob of it all …..In response to something Living Beyond Breast Cancer wrote on their Facebook wall about  “What are some tips that you may offer to a woman who is living in fear of recurrence?”

So…  Living Beyond Breast Cancer:  As I reach the end of radiation , I get women feeling that way but don’t understand it.  You have to be as positive as possible. How would I feel if it (breast cancer) came back? I don’t know. I am hoping I won’t have to deal with that but I will tell you what – breast cancer has taught me to enjoy and celebrate life, not live in a state of perpetual fear that merely saps your energy and good mojo.

Mind you some of the “tips” were amusing.  Like the people obsessed with exercise – exercise alone won’t prevent recurrence.  It is part of the whole body approach though – but then again I met that woman who told me I only had to eat asparagus and should just stop radiation.

What the hell do I know?  I must have some degree of faith in myself, my body, my treatments, my doctors and God.  I don’t pretend to have all the answers but I do know I have the will and fight in me to live.

Is this going to be one of these zen like posts?  I don’t know.  I am just me, people.  In search of keeping myself whole, feeling blessed by my friends, family and super supportive sweet man.

Some say we can’t fight fate, others say we create our own fate.  Perhaps in reality, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.



About carla

Writer, blogger, photographer, breast cancer survivor. I write about whatever strikes my fancy as I meander through life.
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2 Responses to 31 one down only 4 more to go…

  1. In case I haven’t mentioned it before, you ( and Michelle Bradshear)are on my prayer list. Keep the positive going – we could all use it. Thank you for your blogging, even when I know you are totally exhausted,

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