je suis fatiguée

Can I say I am tired of being tired?  I am tired of being tired. I am tired of the swollen boob syndrome and hurting. 

I will get better, but I am tired. 

And I am in a weird mood.  At times  this disease called breast cancer is a lot to take in.  Trying to live a normal life, but on some levels, what is the new normal?

And oh yes, what else?  More reams of paperwork to fill out…for the medical oncologist and the radiation oncologist. 

Balancing life, getting back to life, trying to manage stress and new costs of living.  It’s a lot.  It made me check in with my nurse navigator today.  She is this voice on the other end of the phone who is just calm and normal and soothing.  At least when I talk to her when I have doubts, it makes me feel more normal.   Some days you can still be positive but not feel normal.   After all, being one of the anointed ones with breast cancer can be damn annoying and I still wish this would not be happening to me thank you very much but it is and so I shall deal…whew! Holy run on sentence Bat Girl!

I want the oncotype back already. 

Hey God?  You listening?  Low end of the scale please in the oncotype world of things…

How do people do this?  Am I doing it with the same grace and courage I see in others fighting breast and other cancers ? 

Have any of you read Onco Girl?   You should.  It puts a lot into perspective….

Other new things? All natural deodorants.  Yes, yes….paraben free, aluminum free, and so on.  I am becoming smell obsessed this summer…

I have been trying the Trader Joe’s all natural but I think it’s only so-so.  That being said a couple of my friends have told me about the mineral salt crystal things.  You wet it and put it under your pits basically.  Or you rub it on when you come out of the shower and your skin is wet. So I will try one of those.

News flash: girls don’t like to smell.

Yes, I am still positive. I will fight to remain positive.  I will fight to kick this cancer’s ass with a little help from my friends. (Love you guys!)

Finally?  This journey is a process, people.    That’s for damn sure.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming…

Nighty, night


About carla

Writer, blogger, photographer, breast cancer survivor. I write about whatever strikes my fancy as I meander through life.
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2 Responses to je suis fatiguée

  1. dropjohn says:

    Ha! Funny you mentioned the deo – I’ve noticed I do *rather* smell since surgery – I figure it’s my body getting rid of toxins or readjusting or some such, but it’s definitely noticeable, at least to me. And my ‘normal’ stuff just isn’t cutting it anymore… I figure people can deal with it.

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