June 1 I hit a milestone I wasn’t sure I was going to reach when this journey started. Even if I never admitted that out loud back then, there were moments I wondered with some “what ifs”. I don’t think you can help it.
I celebrated with friends by going on a garden tour. Not just any garden tour a really special garden tour that meant the world to me.
When I came home there was a message on my answering machine from my mother. So I called her back. Told her I had been on a garden tour and what the garden tour was celebrating. She said yes or OK and then moved right on back to whatever it was she wanted to discuss. It was like breast cancer had never happened for me and I hadn’t reached a 10 year mark.
I have to be honest that gave me pause. And it hurt. She didn’t mean to hurt me, but she is one of those people that never wants to talk about anyone’s health issues, even her own. But still, this is kind of a big deal for me and it would’ve been nice if I had felt acknowledged instead of dismissed.
However the one I’m really upset with if I’m honest is my sister. She is always so wrapped up in her world. This thing called breast cancer isn’t about her it’s about me so I guess I just don’t rate on the radar of life. And why it hurts is it bought up old wounds .
When I had my surgery in 2011, she had promised she would be here the day of surgery. And she bailed. Yes, yes she lives in another state, but she said she would be there and then she just wasn’t. So it made me feel let down. And I forgave her, but I guess on some level I didn’t forget so here I sit on Friday the week of my 10 year anniversary still stupidly waiting for her to acknowledge I have this milestone in my life.
It’s a weird meandering path this breast cancer journey. I have my actual ten year mammogram in a couple of weeks. And I’m kind of nervous already. That annual feeling after 10 years never gets old. I wish it would get old.
I think I will be holding my breath a little bit until the mammogram, which is a diagnostic one, is over and then my oncology appointment which will follow a few days later. And I had already discussed this with my oncologist and I will still be seeing him going forward.
So I will update you all my readers as I get through all the steps of the 10th year. I will be asking my oncologist how the whole coming off of tamoxifen will happen in the fall.
Have a great weekend!