The funny thing about living with breast cancer no matter what stage you are in the disease is the circlular aspect of it. As in it circles back to you. It’s like a not so secret society devoid of a secret handshake.
I think I have written before about how once you’ve been diagnosed you can almost sense other breast cancer people out there even in the supermarket or walking across a parking lot. We seem to see and seek each other out.
I was looking at the calendar the other day and I know it’s time to start making my new round of appointments that are constant even after you have graduated from treatment like surgery, chemo, and radiation. I mean technically I’m still active treatment because I’m on Tamoxifen for up to 10 years, but because I have been lucky enough so far to NOT have to revisit radiation or explore chemo I often just feel “normal” again and my inner teenager rebels again making the next round of appointments. Who wants to go to the doctor when they feel fine?
So I have been avoiding the whole appointment thing and freaking myself out with self breast exams. Why? Well because the breast (left) which was treated to seven weeks of radiation feels completely different from the other breast (right). The left breast feels almost fake – dense and heavy and lumpy bumpy. That is NOT as in so NOT saying another lump, it’s just the way a breast feels after radiation. But when you are doing the whole self breast exam….it’s easy to forget and well it’s freaky.
Yeah, so I gave myself some bruising. Dumb ass I said to myself.
Anyway, breast cancer has been on my mind because well if I make it to June 1st unscathed, I am FIVE years cancer free! My next proverbial brass ring and I want that sucker, darn it.
This past week has been hot flash hell and a week of aching throbbing joints. (Thanks again Tamoxifen.)
This afternoon a message comes through Facebook messenger. A woman I don’t know looking for another friend of mine to ask questions about…breast cancer. So I said well I will be happy to connect you both, but I am a survivor too.
So she and I settled into an actual phone conversation. She and I have this six degrees of separation. It’s crazy the way life works.
As I listened I realized a lot of what I was hearing was me five years ago. Seeking out survivors and those who understand the crazy maze of breast cancer. Because when you are the heat of the battle, some days you feel like you will lose your tiny little mind.
And the six degrees of seperation is insane. Here we are, never having met or crossed paths with so many in common. And once again, breast cancer brings it full circle, closes the circle.
It’s a small world after all. Full of breast cancer circles, apparently.
Not that I am complaining because breast cancer has brought some really fabulous people into my life.
Thanks for stopping by.