Having breast cancer changes you.  Forever.   Irrevocably. Once you have had it once, you don’t want it again, but the reality is if you don’t take care of yourself, you put yourself at increased  risk for recurrence.

I had made no secret since my diagnosis that my career and I no longer suited.   Even though it is a disastrous economy, I was forced to make a decision.  So my sweet man and I made it together.

I resigned.

The stress was reaching levels which were truly untenable to me as well as toxic, and add that to the problems adjusting to Tamoxifen, well I need a break.  Some will think I am completely nutty for doing this, so here’s the 411:  I have never done this in my life.  I decided I owe myself more.

My sweet man is so good to me.   He is giving me the gift of time.  He is so unselfish a human being, some days I wake up and can’t believe how lucky I am.

I left in as professional a manner as possible, but needless to say, it went over like a lead balloon.  (i.e. “you can’t leave”)  But as I said before, having spent too many years prior to my sweet man in a bad relationship, I wasn’t willing to do it any longer on the job front.

I know I made the right decision.  Perhaps if things had been different around the time of my surgery and seven weeks of radiation I might have stayed.   But after four years of self paid benefits,  and increasing levels of stress, I knew in my heart of hearts if I want the best possible chance to remain breast cancer free, this had to happen.  So I cut the cord.  I am worth more than I ever received.

Some may say I am just being selfish, but I prefer to think that I am taking care of myself and trying to put myself first.

I am not the first woman who has had breast cancer to decide to change her life, and I won’t be the last.   Once again, as yet a new journey begins I find myself blessed by the love and support of my sweet man, friends, and family.

I am smiling again.

Merci.