18 down, 17 to go… may I skip the emotional tossed salad?

I turned a corner and shouldn’t be in such a mood.  But emotionally today I am at 6’s and 7’s and so damn tired right now I can barely keep my eyes open.  Plus I look like one of those black and white iced cookies this afternoon.  Half of my neck to below boob area looks like a lobster (left side) and the other half (right side) looks like the inside of a celery stalk because I have not been in the sun.

Physically save my supplement deprivation I actually probably look better because I am walking as much as I can to keep my stress down and my body energized through radiation (and then every time I walk all I want is a nap half the time LOL), but emotionally?  Well there are moments and days and today is definitely and emotional tossed salad.  My nails are done, but I need a haircut and I feel like I look like hell even if I don’t really.  And I am tired of the Latvian Washer Woman personality going on underneath my left arm pit.  I would love to get my hair (on my head as the arm pit is out) at least trimmed but can’t afford the woman who last cut it and the other place I go to once in a while because they are also a bit pricey is the salon which told me they were too busy the day I walked in and saw only one customer…so that is out of the equation – and last time I went cheap it was a Hair Cuttery and I looked like Boy named Sue at the end and then had to pay for a corrective cut to fix that cut. 

I guess this is all (to sum up) making me feel less than girly some days and today is one of those days.  I am not a super girly girl but I am feminine and today I feel anything BUT.

A bright spot in the day is I have been asked to write a first person essay about my breast cancer experience for someone.  I think that is really cool and am going to do it.  After all, writing is and always will be a catharsis for me.  And besides if there is one thing I have learned from this experience it’s that for every woman like me who tries to talk about this lovely thing called breast cancer there are 20 who can’t open their mouths who are feeling similar things some days even if every cancer is different.  So if I can pay it forward, I will.  Even if my tool of an ex refers to all of this as self-aggrandizement.

Another bright spot in the day and my photo du jour?  Thanks to DiBruno Brothers I now know that Nutella comes in the convenient family sized jar.  I did not buy the giant jar incidentally although I am still needing my nearest Nutella-aholics Meeting …

Taa taa for now…and  sorry for being so crabby today that I could sprout 8 legs, a hard shell, and scuttle sideways across the floor.

And a  final , absolute last word for the day?  A  special shout out  and hug to my darling MS Social herself – my friend Michelle who has had a rough couple days – and I am sorry for that chica as you deserve all sunshine all the time.

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About carla

Writer, blogger, photographer, breast cancer survivor. I write about whatever strikes my fancy as I meander through life.
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4 Responses to 18 down, 17 to go… may I skip the emotional tossed salad?

  1. mssocial says:

    We are truly two strong women being tested through very different diseases. And I’m worried about a little puffiness in the face. Sure, blindness is a realistic concern, but that’s reversed itself with the steroid treatments. Stay strong. We’ll both beat our demons and come out even stronger than before. And as for the ex’s thoughts on your writing, that, my dear, is why he is an ex. Writing is not only a release for me, but I’ve learned it is helpful for others less able to talk about their battles to see that they’re not alone. We’re in this together, no matter what our medical obstacle!

  2. Sara says:

    Hooray!!!!! – you are ‘over the alps’ and now each day is one day less to go!! You go girl!!

  3. Pingback: prayers for michelle | chestercountyramblings

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