And boy am I tired. I think I did too much today.
My friend took me to Trader Joe’s this morning before work (yes I went to the office, more on that later). I hadn’t been to any grocery store in a coon’s age and needed staples and some easy prepare stuff since I have to go easy on the left arm and the rest of me. I was even down to my last roll of toilet paper.
So yes I got some healthy stuff and not anything with any plant-based estrogens. I was in a cold sweat by the time I got back from that. Wow.
Then I figured I had better go into the office physically – not just work remotely. I must have looked awful when I arrived because my co-workers basically intimated I looked like death warmed over (truthfully? I felt like it too). One girl in my office left me a very sweet get well soon card, but I never saw my boss as he was out-of-town. I have not heard from him since I went in for surgery – not even an e-mail to see how I made out. Whatever. I left a few hours later because I started to feel dizzy.
I came home (no, I did not drive) and was soaked in sweat – it’s hot and I am still exhausted is what I have to admit to myself. I just got up again after lying down for a while.
I listened to my messages, fed the beasts and one of the ex sisters in law I kept called. She’s a love and totally cool, it’s not her fault her brother is who he is.
The first funny thing in the conversation was that the ex apparently hid from my mother at Devon Horse Show over Memorial Day. He had gone there with his other sister the Harpie from Pennsyltucky. Had a total giggle over that and picturing him the horse’s ass hiding behind some horse’s ass so my mother didn’t lay eyes on him. However, had she seen him I would have loved a front row seat and popcorn.
Apparently now in addition, the ex-factor knows I have breast cancer. I don’t care. And in between his typical usual obsessions which aren’t worth air time he says “well she dodged a bullet”.
Gee, ya think? But that is the second bullet since technically the first bullet dodged was him and being freed from him.
Then he gave my ex SIL the bum’s rush – probably so he could get off the phone and run and burn up the wires by calling the Harpie from Pennsyltucky, who will in turn burn up the wires. It’s the way it works in that family – there is no greater joy than dissecting someone else’s issues. And I am sure by the time he recounted the story it was HE who dodged the bullet because he didn’t have to deal with a woman with breast cancer.
I also saw two of the breast cancer survivor women I know today. They are both amazing women and it’s nice I don’t have to dissect all of this with them because they get it, they have been there. One said to me something I have heard from the survivors I find the most adjusted to life after breast cancer: that they did not really go to support groups because the women they met when they tried them out were so negative and so dwelling on the awfulness of life they couldn’t handle it. And I have heard this from a LOT of breast cancer survivors. They all tell me they love the information that the breast cancer non-profits have, but have found the support groups have been the Alpha Sigma Depressed of it all. That’s a shame.
I still think I am coping pretty well emotionally. My largest issue is making myself realize I did have a big deal surgery and I have to rest and take it easy. Given the onset of the heat wave this week around here, I can tell you I will do it. I also have a follow-up with my surgeon later this week.
My stitches hurt a bit this evening. I think I need to lie down again. I also really hate having half a smelly body in the summer.
What else? A friend of mine gifted me a few comfy camis for when I start radiation. And another friend of a friend who is a breast cancer survivor sent a pin to me that had been prayed over to mark my getting through this initial stage with the surgery. It marks my moving forward and looking ahead. And I am. I have a lot to look forward to.
One last interesting thing worth a mention today? Some of my friends whom I have supported in the past when dealing with various life issues that I would have expected to have done at least the occasional sanity check on me with this? I haven’t heard from them at all. I am not keeping mental book on it because when you support a friend you don’t do it for future paybacks, merely because you care, but from a sociological perspective it is interesting.
Hope you all had good days.
Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass…
It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
– Vivian Greene