I have an older friend. For years, she was one of my rocks, but eventually, as is the case with most humans, the cracks show and I think she will end up being one of those people who was close to me when she was on the outs with other people.

Why do I say that? Because there are people she was on the outs with that she is now no longer on the outs with, and I am on the outside. Those people on the inside are more advantageous to her at this stage. That happens and that is her choice. It’s also a pattern. It’s just kind of sad and disappointing. 

It’s one of those things where there was no argument or scene or anything. She simply moved away from me and some other people during this past year.

About six months ago, I suspected she was sick. But she’s one of those people that knows better than everyone and nothing happened.

Well now that I am being carved out, I find that I was sadly correct. And it’s cancer, and it’s not nice. It’s cervical cancer that has spread to her bowel which also means it’s may have spread other places.

As I understand it, she will be starting chemotherapy in the new year. Or maybe it’s immunotherapy, I’m not sure. 

She’s been playing whisper down the lane with people and she tells a couple of people. Then she tells mutual friends that she needs to speak with them, but they can’t tell me. I don’t know what the game is, but I’m not playing.

There is one thing I learned from my own breast cancer experience, and that is people choose whom they want to let in. And you have to respect that during someone’s cancer journey, and I will. But the way this woman went from telling me she loved me and I was like another daughter to carving me out is almost cruel. And you feel these things more acutely during the holidays.

But humans are flawed, and I will let it go. There is no point. If she wants to talk, she can contact me.

I did send her a letter before Christmas to tell her I was thinking of her and that I did love her, but she would have to decide what she wanted to do as a path forward and then I suspected she was sick. I said in that letter that I wouldn’t shut the door, but she was going to have to contact me if she wanted communication.

I also did say which she’s wouldn’t like that I thought one of her children, her oldest son, treated her like hell. Because that’s the truth he is the physically closest child to her, and he can never be bothered to put his own issues aside to see his mother. And at some point, we have to stop blaming our parents for things and act like adults. And he’s in his 60s. Instead he behaves like a passive aggressive practitioner of elder abuse.

But this woman is drawn to bad relationships with strife. I think this will make this part of her life journey more acutely difficult than it needs to be and I do feel for her. I hope she can find her positive and her hope and not cling to the false hope that this son will make this anything other than about him.

Cancer is a public facing disease that is a truly private battle for everyone who faces it. I did spend some time this week being angry at different times because this is one of these older women that decided 20 years ago she wasn’t going to a gynecologist anymore. Maybe if she had gone to a gynecologist over the past 20 years she wouldn’t be facing this. This is why it is so important for women to maintain regular healthcare.

Given her age, I hope she outlives at least part of her cancer. Hers is a study of periods of life tragedy. Life can be joyful and it can be painful and cruel.

I don’t wish anyone the journey of cancer. But it’s not the time to be petty with people who care about you, and that’s what she’s doing.

Again, I’m respecting her need for space. But lashing out at people who care pushes them away, which is why we are often faced with life’s conundrums isn’t it?

I am not the one who’s going to insert myself and someone else’s personal cancer journey. I wish her the best outcome. And I hope she does ok.

I had to mull this over for a few days, but I think it is my only choice here.

Please, if you are a woman, don’t ignore your health checks. I hate all of the appointments that seem to keep materializing with each year, but I know that I have to keep that schedule. And I will be honest, it is really hard for postmenopausal women to get regular gynecology appointments. I actually missed the entirety of 2024 because I couldn’t get on the schedule. But I didn’t skip this year. I just kept calling until I got an appointment.

We now live in a country where our healthcare and access to it, are prioritized by our bank account. If money is no option, you can get any appointment you choose, but if you have to play by the rules, use health insurance and live a more moderate and modest life it’s a lot of effort to get things done. It shouldn’t be this hard.

Even as a breast cancer survivor, it was hard for me to get an actual mammogram this year. And that is something I can never, ever skip.

My wish for 2026 is somehow healthcare can be on a better path in this country without the mad men controlling it. I know, I know if wishes were horses then beggars would ride, but a girl can hope.

So these are my thoughts as this year draws to the close. I am grateful that I have completed 14 years cancer free from breast cancer. I still know that I am one of the lucky ones.

Pax.